my dreamland

Monday, June 30, 2008

There is something really unique about how each sees one s mother . We never ever think about our mother as really beautiful or attractive . we just take for granted even if she was the most beautiful woman in the planet . For us mother is our mother .She does not have existance as anything else than our mother . She must have been young some day . Someone who have caught the fancy of young rowdy men ! just the way some females catch my dream .Often have i heard about young females inquiring about my mother in a very sarcastic way whenever they sense my presense intruding their seeming boundary of privacy . But mother was embodiment of kindness.She is the one individual whom you expect to forgive you for sins even you would not forgive yourself for . Mother was my balm for emptiness. Mother was the only woman in my life well into the late 25 s ..until sheni came to my life !
Just the same way as mother is an influence in your life , so is the influence of the place you grow up . You will never ever see your hometown in terms of its infrastructure devlopment ..or growth potential of industry or job oppurtunity . See i was never a landlord in my hometown . but had loved it as my own blood . There was something charming about Kottarakara.It was may be the unique was my hometown was mentioned in chauvinistic arguements . may be it was the notoriety for which it was dreaded for ..which made me respect my Kottarakara.Or was it the bustand which was the symbol of everybodies teenage expressions of love and frustration!

It was also a place which beared witness to my first experience with love . and perhaps to a certain extent too. A place where i have spent agonizing years to grow up . A place which was suffocating to the extent of almost wanting to get out of there at any cost . A place of my schools , the place where i was cheated into believing True friendship with a piece of shit called Syam . A place where i have learnt to fear god and believe in worship and festivals .A place where i lost my years in sleep and dream and waking slumber

It was all this to all those who lived and died there . First time i came to Chennai was the time i realised that i was really far away from my Kottarakara and sheni . Even though i had studied better part of my college life outside was always less than 12 hours journey from whereever i was , but chennai was quite far . Far enough to make me feel lonely ,especially with that scumbag Syam ! It was really hard for me to understand his judgement of individuals , His prejudice was infact a very stark contrast for my thoughts and respect i had for him . Have i been cheated ..deceived .But Syam also loved me as a friend someone who would not curse him for being a failure in life .Infact i never considered him a failure , only he was a bit odd. Actually eccentric . Considerable days were made unnoticed by our countless arguements..about begining of life ..our destiny .. universe ..religions , be continued