Ever since i heard of adsense I been wanting To make money out it,Numerous strategies have been said about making and creating traffic and i did tried numerous of them ! but to my dismay most of them did not work,
Everyday i would so look into the account of adsense in google , only to find the figure of zero without any prefix staring at me like my frustrated efforts to make money . Money money money ... its honey in a rich mans world. I think this world has made man invisible , its about what you have and what you can earn .Show me the money honey ! thats what the adage goes is nt it. May be its a mirage that everyone could get what they want.
I tried to fill my frustrated attempts with philosophical insights . Eckhart tolle... Osho .. among the numerous refuges that i seeked solace .I tried to justify my existance without ample cushions of material wealth with spiritual meanings. I am no buddha to have been born with a platinum spoon in my mouth . And the more i interacted with the world the more i realised that .. true love and simple life was dead and decaying with bones of dinosaurs .
Many a times i felt like a puppet of my drives, my subconscious desires played me like a flute . and i was driven to restlessness.Where is peace . incessant activites of my mind made me helpless victim of my own torture. I wish i had a switch to turn off mental activites .
i think the biggest byproduct of post modern city life is the frustrations of people who believe in a fairy tail life ,i think someone should tell that toothfairy was raped and her corpse was feeding corporate dogs .what indeed is the solutions for my frustrations . I turned to blogging in the vain effort of finding similiar minds/voices.Infact the the only ray of hope in the helpless times is to find groups of lonely people .
Loneliness is a curse and child of competition . i think in our fight for survival , we have forgotten the basic fact of impermenance of life. its like a traveller who have forgotten his destination half way along the journey seeking help of people who are equally lost if not more confused .
I think george Bush that bastard american president was my biggest hope . I really liked his administration of global terror. He was a kind messiah who made it easy for third world countries with an easy solution of quick destruction and death . I think he is just a reactionary jerk .
What indeed is the solution of my existential problems . Sheni . my lover.. my dream since the dawn of my conscious day . looked like a person who can solve hardest of confusions.i called her after a long time. fully drunk and hardly able to comprehend or control what i was even thinking .. But to my dismay .. i found her attending the call and responding with poise and maturity with a dose of wit and comfort .. which made me ashamed of myself in that drunken state.. she was a child ..as naive and pure as my thoughts of prayer and peace . i did not remember the words that i had with her in that conversation which salvaged my sleepless nights. but a feeling of comfort had soothed my pains . She was a balm for my wounded hopes.
But she was an equally confused traveller ..thirsty and helpless as i was .. Driven was she to the verge of cluelessness by an equally helpless family who were forced to make every conversation end in plans of marrying her off to a rich and powerful man who would do them proud .
I could not blame anyone but a sperm out of millions which was shot in my mothers womb . i think even those sperms must have been helpless . Driven were they by a primordial drive .. Drive for existance.. drive for life .. drive for more permenance..drive for metamorphosis.. drive for..........death ..
Death seemed an illusion to me! even death was powerless in teaching humans the value of life for which his intelligence was designed for . i think intelligence or rather the lack of it is the original sin and curse !
Blind hope.. just blind and thoughtless and logicless hope .. make me sleep through another day .. into and eternally confused path towards my desire to exist with reason and justification!
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Posted by suresh kumar