An Appeal to the - Grandmothers of India

Friday, April 27, 2012

There was a time when all that I ever wanted to do was ..marry ! Really I really did nt knew the reason why I wanted to get married. Talk about corruption(rape/molestation/sodomy/masturbation) of mind. I think my mind was hopelessly numerous feel good movies about the Hero , Heroine and rain dance(with barely and rarely seen nipples and navel). And of-course the two flowers touching scene after marriage. I thought marriage was just about everything everyone wanted at some point of their life. Heck the entire society and my family thought marriage was the only destiny of anyone who unfortunately or fortunately is born and grown and ready for marriage. I think Indians were obsessed so much with marriage that they did nt even wait for sexual maturity. There were child marriages. Even the so called father of nation married when he was just 3 years old!

So being a Gandhian in this particular philosophy, I too thought marriage was the source and solution of all problems in a human life. You see being a kid, it is ill advisable to directly talk about something called marriage, SO every now and then I would hint my grandmother how nice it would have been to be married. Of-course she could never understand my point of view exactly the same way that I saw it. She then would link me up with some uncle s daughter (yes in some caste in India it is common to marry among close relatives ) and that s it. The worse thing is once she starts linking up, even ordinary conversation with that girl/cousin of mine becomes almost impossible. I dont know why this feeling of shyness comes in humans ? Is there any utility of being shy, What is it ?? I can understand anger, fear , happiness etc . I know that they all have some usefullness in the journey of evolution. But shyness ! ? In terms of feelings I think Shyness was an evolutionary blunder. The most funny part about being shy is you commit blunders in the name of this shyness. So you see it took me almost twenty years to slightly suppress this feeling of shyness from completely debilitating my chances to ..err...get married !

Then shyness gave away to another famous feeling of evolution. Pride ! I am not sure if this feeling applies to new generation kids in terms of their relationship with girls, I mean I just saw last week my five year old cousin (guy ) proposing to a girl through internet. He said he wanted advice from me regarding wooing the girl !! I am yet to recover from the shock, still I managed to get a life sized portrait of him to hang in my bedroom as inspiration in terms of my interaction with girl(s) . So this pride really interfered in quite a few initial interactions with girls. You know your pride prevents you from many crucial most important rituals of socially accepted pre mating courtship initiation (RSAPMCI). May be I was the odd man out to have pride prevent himself from...

1) Giving a love letter
2) Smiling sheepishly and stupidly at every single girl who cares(dares ) to look you in your eyes
3) Writing poetry explaining how they are more beautiful than moonlight and sunshine
4) Even copying lyrics of popular songs (please use songs from other language- Anyways thanks to internet and google almost anyone unless they are 64 years old can detect this love fraud of yours )

With the lack of proper social infrastructure for potential mating partners to being their RSAPMCI(Rituals of Socially Accepted Pre Mating Courtship Initiation ). It was really difficult and almost impossible to start moving towards marriage. So it was during college time that this feeling of pride gave away to the mother of all feelings. The feeling of having something inside your grow and almost wet some areas of clothes whenever you see / hear / smell / accidentally touch anything remotely related to female. I heard it is during junior college / college time that our hormones reach peak and optimum production efficiency. Add to this sensitivity of organs at their prime and it is a disaster if you wear light clothes ! I thanked Grasim suitings for having very thick almost sack like clothes for stitching trousers and I chose only shades darker than deep black. As embarrassing as this wetness on crotch was, these hormones did help me make some stupid yet memorable decisions of life. Soon I was freely giving away expression of love to girls. Anyone I saw and almost everyone I saw. Soon I was infected with this growing boiling hormones. I thought now hormones were circulating blood to vital organs and not the other way around. Soon my sheepish smiles and lengthy elaboration of girl(s) and their (non existent at times ) beauty was getting famous. Me and my one thousand two hundred and ninty seven friends thought I was shakespeare on dope (of hormones ). Too much of anything is too bad a thing to have. So my hormones in excess was its own undoing. Although I did attract a lot attention in good bad and ugly ways none of my attractions which I attracted materialized into successful RSAPMCI(Rituals of Socially Accepted Pre Mating Courtship Initiation )

You see after this I started drinking and smoking and cycling (all of which is really bad if done together ) So there I was again, Back to square one of the RSAPMCI(Rituals of Socially Accepted Pre Mating Courtship Initiation )

To my consolation I discovered that I was not the only one ! One thousand two hundred and ninty seven friends of mine (male / female et all ) were all. In some way or other very disasterous in the RSAPMCI(Rituals of Socially Accepted Pre Mating Courtship Initiation ). So that is why I went to my Grandmother again. This time after a long gap and much needed evidence (physical / emotional / facial hairal) to support my sexual maturity. So I suggest Grandmother of all children who are inept in RSAPMCI, Please help them . There is nothing wrong it is the RSS feed of life