Molly s Lips
Man is always obessesed with what he can not have
.Rich man who is not healthy craves for health
.Everyone would always invent something or the other
to make themselves miserable . Its as if they would
derive their pleasure from torturing themselves to
the very limits of sanity .only when he loses all
..and something more ..does he realise what he was
having ..how beautiful it was what he was having
What little did i indeed had ..thought Ram.
He was almost sixty years old . He thanked even his
name, which was very old.World was moving very fast
around him . It was as if he was suffocated with the
world which was moving with dizzying speed . Every
where there was movement . some slow .. some fast
.but surely every one was moving somewhere else .
some would even move even when they were sleeping
..some would move in thier thoughts even when they
were standing still . Movement was life and noise
for Ram . without movement .things would seem so
empty . It was only to fill the emptiness of this meaninless silence that we actually move around and seek immense sensory overload with movements !
But i was moving towards the end of all movements . i was moving towards immobility .i was moving and slowly and so inevitably moving towards my own death . with memories only to enhance the reality of what i was about to face .. So thought Ram . He was living in an age where RAM was nothing but an obselete technological jargon . Ever since the inception of virtual material memory technology , silicone conductors and electronic circuits has been rendered obselete . Now chemical reactions and virtual nuerochemicals do the maths for the complicated machines that humans used . He remembered how it was when there was lot of excitment when there was a new movie released and the music would play in everyone s tune s. Now its all about participatory and even collaborative music where the music changes with the mood of the mind . Once connected to the head , it will automatically read the mental pattern and would create music with its own database of music from through out the entire history of humanity . Some people had a very tough time controlling the machine . Its as if the machine would have a mind of its own
The music machine was a really huge hit when it was introduced . It was called the M-Tunes .Now even this was nearing obscelance. Now everything is controlled by mind . Moving and using muscles to achieve what one wants is considered stone age ..or so called Desktop age .
The border between man and machine was slowly blurring . So much advancement in the integration of electronics or neuronics as it is called today .. had made these machines a mere extension of human mind and body .
Now they are talking about genonics . It was a rare integration of our gene and DNA with micro robotics and nano reactives .
Love was still a very intruiging feeling that no amount of advancement in electronics could help resolve . There were some really awesome simulation softwares which had made them feel love and would simlute virtual Lovers with advanced emotional quotients and artificial intelligence . Microsoft love softwares were always full of bugs . It would always express irrational behaviour which added to its charm . Some even argued that these vital flaws where what made these more real and appealing . There were so many opensource love simulation softwares which were really amazing and creative . There were softwares which had some really popular yesteryear beauties like Cameron Diaz and Kate winslet as charectors which assist in realisation of love . Some were even based on obsolete film technologies and Romantic sitcoms of television heydays .
But in reality ..people rarely spoke to each other . Reality was something which was avoided at all costs . No one even cared for decent food or clothings . There was always some virtual vitamins available which would make one feel good after having a screenshots of them !
To the two thousand billion people who could not afford even food ..these remained at best a strange fiction . Some even thought that they were the work of some supernatural forces. There was a strange shortage of food and water . Ram was worried if his old age and ever dwindling saving would land him in poverty . He was relatively rich in his younger days . But the rat race electronics and obscelence of his skills had made him irrelevant to modern day economics . He was forced to retire after a writing software with advanced intelligence had wrote much more inspiring and artistic works than he did . The manufacturers claimed that the software only needs to be fed with one paragraph of the writer to figure out his writing pattern and it would simulate and enhance the writing style .
There was no orginality , thought Ram .
He wondered whether humans had figured out the equation of life . May be with insights into mathematics and electronics so advanced that it was now possible for man to look at his existance and understand and to control one s past future and that of other life forms and also non life forms .
He wondered if Sheni was alive today . Sheni was an upper middle class girl ..the only girl Ram had ever loved . Ever since she had married her dream lover in virtual space , Ram had lived a life hating the virtual technology . Sheni was really lost in the virtual simulations which were taking place at that time . Reality and dream world created had made no difference to her . but to Ram .. it was an end of a twenty five year old affair . Ram had started loving sheni since he was 10 years old . He did not recognise his strange affinity which had filled his night and days with wonderful fulfillment as love until he had seen his first romantic comedy film in english .They remained friends for a very long time . But Ram always insists that their relationship was something more than just plain friendship .
It was on his thirty fifth Birthday that Sheni had decided to Marry her virtual friend Mr Imran Khan . It was a very advanced software simulation of artifical reality by Microsoft . Everyone her age was fast adopting to such softwares to end thier loneliness and boredom .Most of them even considered it far more superior than a real relationship .
Ram had always felt all these as masturbatory . It was almost as if the world was in a big masturbatory hallucination . It was eating up what little shit it was capable of making .
Suicide was a really old fashioned way of ending one s life . There were so many modern methods of ending one s existance . There was Public booths which would dispense Suicide kits to those who were willing to buy them . It was as if Government was promoting painless suicide .People just could not bear physical and direct pain .
It was on his way back from beach that Ram had Got hold of a latest neuronic Suicide kit . It was illegal to sell suicide kits to those above Poverty line . But Ram had some friends in the Village . He got it from them . There were many places untouched by modernisation . He was glad to see among many things Fossil fuels and Petrol driven wagons and bikes. He was in tears when he saw as Apache RTR . It was his dream bike which he also happened to own ! ..only when he was forty five years younger .
There was no injection or chemicals involved in the nueronic suicide kit . It was just a headgear of sorts . you were just supposed to wear it. and switch it on !
He decided to have few glasses of whiskey and his favourite music to play .Real whiskey was so punchent and hard to down .. so thought Ram . but he was more than happy to have it . He had many friend when he was young and able . But at this time when he decided to say good bye . he remembered a few of them . There was one Mathew .. one hickson..glanson .. Siva kumar .. Ajeesh .. Molly .. Steve .. Rubrick ..He was grateful for the memories ..Breaking the god illusion once and for all had been the biggest achievement of the century ..so claimed the modern computer governed society .But He prayed to the non existing god before he sipped his last glass of whiskey . Johny walker ..his favourite band .
A really wild ride ..it was just like Marinjuana . He failed to differentiate between reality and illusion or so called Maya ..
But for Ram .. Electronic maya was something he never really wanted ! It ended with Beep
even Silence Ended with His death ! The suicide kit automatically informs goverment about his death . The organs were Vital .Many invaluable components could be made with human plasma and nuerons .
Humans feeding on humans ..
just for the pleasure of it !!
Make love with yourself
it is indeed a strange world . to find the answers
is easier than to understand question . Infact all
answers has always been an escapism of sorts from
any real questions.
Why do we ask so many questions . now there
is a certain aesthetics to what is being asked is it
. There were many questions in my life . Some were
stupid ..some intelligent .some funny ..some so
severely depressing ..
I ve asked myself several qeustions to
myself while i was waiting for her to return from
her duty .It had been seven years since i saw her .
Yes exactly seven years .And that too the last time
i saw her it was as if watching a faint flicker of a
lamp before it had went out.Anticipation was leaving
me breathless.Will she really come ..or had this
been a joke all along .Better half of human life had
been spent on waiting .We wait to grow up ..to get
out first bike ride ..we wait for our first kiss..we
wait for our marriage..we wait for our first child
.. his / her education..their achievement .. and the
most helpless waiting.. the waiting for death .. But
waiting for her on the gate in my car had been the
most sweetest waiting i had done so far . The
pleasure and anticipation had far exceeded the
excitement of eagerly awaiting the climax of an
ordinarily intelligent movie .i could sense the pain
in my right eye reoccuring again after the gap of
almost two hours
It had been just one week before that i had
seen accident happen to me after a very long time .
It was unbelievably shocking to say the least
.Aliyaah..that s what i had screamed to Mathew ..as
the bike had almost touched the rim of the road .. i
instantly knew that any amount of screaming ..or
praying ..or any bargain with god can not make me
get back to safety . I was only fearing worse . As i
was plunging head first into tarmac.I did not knew
which part of my body was going to get maximum
punishment . Obviously i had given up any hope of
expecting damages which could be healed within a
week , I had always been amazed how easy or bearable
it is for one to be bleeding all over and still
manage not to faint . Yep what i feared worse had
not happened .. and i did not faint . Only if i was
as courageous and gutsy when i first started
proposing to girls . but when you are in first
standard and still in your diapers of sorts. you
dont exactly evolve your courage to the level of
being steady ! i could find dirt and sand all over
my mouth and eyes .I stopped crying a really long
time ago . My friends bike was lying almost twelve
feet down from the ground . I was so totally
helpless in not being able to go there and do
anything about bringing the bike to road again .
As i had felt the torch of a mobile
telephone probe the extend of my injuries , i felt a
sigh of relief in not having excessive exaggerations
for the one who saw my face in the faint light of
the mobile .He was infact relieved of sorts that i
only had some minor injuries of sorts. but blood ..
The one which is thicker than water..and petrol ..
was running all over my exposed skins . I was not
exactly scared . I only feared not being able to
bath or go to loo without risking infection . Had to
keep out of water till the time i get it healed .the
very water ..the giver of life .Also gave life to
the germs which rot and fed on my wounds and
effectively myself.Water was not my friend ..nor it
was my enemy .infact water was neutral . To me ..to
the microbes..to life .. to death . to healing ..and
It was almost starting to heal.I saw her
standing across the road ! i felt that i would die
of suffocation . She was half naked and fully
clothed . She was autumn and winter and spring
too.She was to me at that moment life for my eyes as
well as ears as much as she was to my heart and to
soul . She asked me to wait .I was willing to wait .
a bit more i thought .. i waited like life waited
for a meaning . like meanings had waited for life !
I still could not believe my eyes ears body
mind or soul that she was walking towards me at that
moment ! There was no magic ! there was no music !
there even was not some fragrance of rose ..nor
lillies or some fantastic and extraordinary
miracles.But still .. that moment .. when she came
near me .. i felt that i was witnessing a miracle .
But for her ..i was just a friend . Infact
may be someone even less than a friend . A curiosity
! yeah .. i mostly thought that i was just a
curiousity to her . Just a passing fancy . May be
she was attracted to me as a child was to bright
flourscent colours . I was absolutely a non
necessory accessory of sorts . Just a decoration .
nothing more . A passtime even at best . or may be
something worse .. a disturbance or an amusement . i
was one of those creatures which could easily have
been dispensed from existance ..so i thought .
I was looking at her face through out the
conversation , i was looking for the slightest hint
of intimacy , which i had hoped for .. dreamed of ..
and could never find in real life . i almost felt
that she was obligated if not anything to ride with
me on her way to her next assignment .
I not exactly enjoyed riding the car i
thought .. i really liked myself not to enjoy riding
cars as much as i do bike s ..But infact it was sad
but true that i indeed loved riding cars as well .
may be more than bike . But cars was something i
could ill afford to run on a regular basis . Bike
was totally fun.Especially My RTR .
She had not spoken that much to me in our
way back . I had imagined my mothers warmth ..my
fathers care ..intelligence wit ..humour and something which answered all my unanswered questions in my conversation with her . but she must have been tired or repulsed or must have felt disgusted that some one could come that distance just to have a chat with her .But what was worse was that i was even feeling responsible for the stale situation.We must have had countless conversations about infinite topics everything under the sun and more . but unfortunately or fortunately , i had always felt that our conversations were incomplete .May be something could not be said , may be somethings needs to be told over and over again.
I had almost missed having several accidents on our way back . Thankfully , but secretely i had always had felt that if i wanted to die , the best was would be to be near her when i did,i had seen several deaths ...murders..suicides..and so called natural death ..none to me had the charm of having the one you love near you .Fulfiling almost our destiny of sorts . Life was to me nothing more than what was happening at that moment , this was probably the very reason why i was born , why i was grown , and probably i would not find something more meaningful in my death too .. so i thought
Forty five minutes of meaningless staring at each other had us reaching metro city in a somewhat lame journey which was wasted as well as disappointing . I smelt nothing but fear and a sense of deeply felt insecurity in her proximity with me . She was to me as close as butter in cold water . like being fed with plastic bag when you are dieing of hunger , i was feeling deeply disappointed and beaten with her warmth . I would have had more warm converstations with an enemy in a battle field right when he was about to kill me with sword .
i did not curse myself or her ..nor did i feel angry or disappointed . A moment was passing by me .. Perhaps the most beautiful moment of my life . Perhaps the most beautiful moment in the history of humanity . Peak of experience and beauty ..
But we were too engaged with our fears that we had missed it ..i feared having her dissappointed with my unimaginative thoughts and conversations..she was fearing many things ..among them the safety of my car and our journey back home .We all miss our moments .. These moments which make life really beautiful does not have to be in a hill station ..or in an exotic islands surrounded by lush greenaries.. These moments are what we could have had with the ones we love .. no matter where ..even in a maruthi Van running on LPG .Only we need to open our eyes ... to the beating hearts .. to emotions and love .. we need to open our eyes and ears .. our soul to life which loves us more than we could ever contain with our entire life of every single human ..animal ..atom .. eletrons or protons .
Sheni i failed to tell you on our way back that i love you . And you failed to hear me say that i love you ..
We both failed our love ..our life .. and our very destiny .. because i feared boring you .. and you feared being with ME
Last week has been one of the most static week of my life . Had to meet with an accident ! It was a sunday evening of last week . We were on a joy ride in my Friends brand new bike . It was a superfine evening and the bike was really one of the best available in indian market . A pulsor 220 . It was very hard for us to not to push it to the very limits of engineering .
But being the quitenssential indians we were , we always were concerned about only one thing .. to safely gaurd our possession to the extend of covering it with the last piece of dignified plastic we have , By plastic we mean polythene cover ..covering the seats .. the shields and stuff.
Ofcourse we indians never even broken any single rule in the usermanual . And we were only going below 40 Kmph .
Everything was really smooth and handsome .Even managing occasional glances from what little members of opposite sex who happened to grace the roads .
It was on the turning towards the ECR road that we noticed that we had run out of road in the steep incline towards the bridge . And when we realised that we had indeed come to the end of the road , it was too late to react ..or to break ..or to even to scream . The feeble noise which came from me even was confused enough not to have any expressions in it . It was one of the most shocking and unbelievable event in the last few years . Its been a really long time since i had fallen from bike . And this was something i really did not wanted at this point of time .infact at any point of my life ! Yepp .. only when i fell with my head first in the sand and tarmac did i realise that it was all too late but to take the fall with all my stride .
I could not stand up immediately after the fall . but to my credit i did stand up only to realise the blood clouding my ability to see with my right eye . I really dont know how to thank those two guys who were on our back in an Apache RTR . They did stop immediately and tried to help us get up .
Nothing serious really did happen to me or to Mathew who was driving . Just some minor scratches and bruises . More to my ego than to those skins!