Today morning ,on my way to office...i saw someone ..who had arrested my attention in that busy juncture where everyone was cursing everyoneelse for doing whatever they did .The one thing about children is that they are all universally attractive . Only when they turned adults that ugliness is born and grown . May be it has to do with all the pollution and its accumulation ..Emotional pollution .. pollution of intelligence ..chemical and physiological pollution .. all have their roles in making trash out of that beautiful flower . i felt a very helpless desperation in that childs face . A look so sad that i had all the rights to burn down the entire universe for having created such empty sadness as i could see in that childs face .
There was a thousand and twenty three things i had to do in my office , i still remember how my fondness for my manager was raped by her ugly angry self nakedness. I just could not bear to have my work unfinished by even ten minutes . I had to reach office in time at anycost if not for anything ..for my peace of mind and the satisfaction of reading about unexpected before your gossip mongering collegue did . I revved up the engine ... but the empty silence i saw in that angel seemed to have made all these thoughts silent along with that of the sounds of chaos . I had frozen and decided to get off the bike and spend some time observing that child . Although i had very uncomfortable time adjusting to the potential of reaching office a bit late , i just could not make myself leave that place . I did not know what to do .
She must be only some 12 years old ..just younger than my neice .In my home my parents had always complaining about how my Neice was always not eating enough . Fed on a staple diet of Cadbury choclate and lays chips .. ordinary food had losts its taste to her growing taste buds . she was intoxicated with cartoons . Totally lost ..and equally cute child of my sister was a very big comfort for me in that lonely home .Beside sheni she was the only one girl that i totally fell in love with ...
But the kind of grace i saw in this child who was standing like a violation in that chaotic road was just too serene to resemble anything i have seen ..felt or could imagine ! i felt like crying out of guilt .. for being alive in a world which could make that child so desperate .. so dirty .. and so filthy in that hot sun .Had she her breakfast . I could see the bones of her face giving them a clear symetry . I just filled petrol for my bike costing atleast some 500 bucks . Shit why did i even use a fucking bike man .. while my angel was out here in road ..dirty .. fucking bastard me !!
i ordered a tea in that stall where i used to smoke every night after a long day .I suddenly saw something ..which made me feel the same way that i used to feel when i get Sheni s call .. the effervessence of happiness slowly returned to my depressed skull ..She was smiling .. infact laughing .it must have been her father .. He dressed like a beggar .but he had a grace in that face hidden in that thick bush of beard . i was sure it was from him that the girl must have got elements of charm which had me bearing the risk of uncomfortable language from my managers ..I stood there feeling thankful to that individual whom i really wish was her real father .. for making me feel less guilty of my Apache RTR and that 500 bucks i spent on fossilized energy .! i had immediately bought a cadburys the same brand that i used to give to my niece .. i had bought two and ran towards the child , She was holding her father s hand .. i felt like touching that guys feet out of respect and awe.
She did not even look at me when i gave her the choclate.. May be she was intimidated.. I have never been very popular for my looks anyway .. But as i was moving towards my junk of tyres and petrol tank , I could feel her happiness ..in my relief ..
Zipping past me was that girl in the office .. Oh my god .. she was not going in the bus.. I really made quite a sound revving up my engine . Hey babe .. wanna ride! i felt relieved to be back to my normal ..animal self !! Divine is so deep man !! phew (sheni being and exception though! )
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Posted by suresh kumar