Peace and Prayers

Love that is forever, Is nt that plastic, That which is eternal, is nt that lifeless. Love can only be an affinity , A polarity , an extremely spontaneous mysterious illogical helplessness. Sudden unexplainable phenomenon. Where you are left wanting, Where you are left longing, praying almost. You know you are right in your yearning . You have all the rights to yearn. You really are not sure what you are yearning for. That object of your love is very questionable. It is always questionable... It is definitely not worth that yearning.


Nothing is worth it . no not even god is worth this yearning. It is definitely not human. For no human is worth this helpless helplessness.



I can only love something or someone. Love is there , It needs someone to objectify it. I am not god to contain this love. It used to bring a lot of pain. To hold this love. NO pain is not the word. It was almost death itself. An emotional manifest of death itself. The very end of your being. The gasp for breath when your body run out of oxygen. Your mind no longer wants to live. But I am thankful that now it is not painful. I am rather enjoying this love which is generally undirected, uncontainable. Sometimes it comes out as poems, Sometimes prose. . . May be someday I might be able to enjoy this love without writing or singing. But now I have to write this



It is not that I think about you all the time. It is not that your thoughts are all that is filling my mind ( or heart or soul ). I am ordinary man most of the day, with ordinary worries. About petrol, About global warming. About existence of earth in another fifty years.



I measured it. It is as long as a flash of lightening. But that flash takes me to an eternal time warp. I am caught transcending reality and dream, into a world of my own. Where the entire universe exists just for us. We evolved just so that I can see your skin and you, my bones.

So that I can experience this helplessness of being away from you.

So that I can be thankful for this great sacred un-bridgeable gap between us.



I never gave her a love letter, when she was living just 1.297 kilometers from my home. When we were living in the same town, studying same schools. But alaas we were only in our sixth and seventh years of our existence. Me and her respectively. When I first read about love, When I first heard poems and dances of love. I knew that the feeling that I had, I regretted being born naive. Why I did not recognize and celebrate love when I was sitting right next to her, Shielded by our innocence.

It is appalling that man needs a reason for his existence, To justify the fact that he is living. I gave up finding reasons for our love. I stopped rationalizing the signs universe gave us. I knew that love was not an emotional byproduct of biology nor an biological byproduct of an emotion. It was just was . Being for its own sake

I learnt to live with my flash of lightening , With pain and love . I understood why people live with their religions, despite contradictions in reason. I understood

Mohanlal is one of the most amazing and versatile actor. hailing from the small town of Kottarakara, near Pathanamthitta, Mohanlal is also one of the oldest actor to still romance girls under 16 years. Every year you will seem him shamelessly womanizing hardly teenaged nubile s. And Kerala being Kerala, The land of coconut heads, Love cherish and celebrate Mohanlal. The guys was extraordinarily talented and relatively young, Like around 1297 years ago. But now he is around twenty million years old. Infact he is the oldest actor/ human being alive to still think he is young. Just last year he released one movie called Kollege Kumaran, In which he is supposedly still in college. But I am sure it is just a case of curiously stupid themes Malayali coconut heads are crazy about. Now this fella is even the honorary Let Col of the regional army. What the FC** !! But to be very frank he is quite articulate for a 80 year old guy. He actually knows what he is talking about, Especially when he is talking about Liquor and acting. He actually wants people to believe that what he does is just acting. In his own words he wants people to be convinced that what he does is like magic, Like make believe. Beneath this acting persona of his, He is just an extraordinary person from Kottarakara !! But Indian Army are you listening, What he did was just acting !!! Imagine these dumb nuts are going to protect us from Pakistanis !! Quite frankly speaking I am sure that this is the primary and sole reason why acting, filming , or any other entertainment is strictly banned in Pakistan. God Hail Al queda and strict military rules.

Being a CEO was the ultimate nemesis for my personality, Not just for me, I think it will be ultimate death sentence to any real personality. I am being intimidated by this possibility that I might be the next heartless soulless, brainless but always smiling Che-if Executive officer of a company ? Someone like George W Bush . But my only relief was that I have a choice to not be a CEO nor a George W Bush

The current market structure ? it is infinitely and invariable complex for anyone to understand /comprehend or make a theory out of it. The biggest force is that of a Sale. We have all evolved from primates to social beings to intelligent salemen ? We are in one big market. Where everyone is trying to sell everything to everyone else. It is one big bad ugly circus called the Open Market. We forget the basic reality of our selves. We completely ignore the inner well being / reality / spirituality to sell . To just sell any damn thing including the little non existant talent to this world

How else can there be poets ? how can someone sell poetry or prose ? so even the words, the language of the soul is on Sale too.

For the last twelve years of my life, I have been working in a Kerala based IT orgnization. They proudly claim to themselves and those innocent idiots to are unfortunate enough to be born in the land of Kokonuts, that they are the first people to bring Information Technology to Kerala. Ofcourse Information technology was there way before these people were toddlers in the form of Newspaper. But IT slavery was something they just brought. I see this guy smiling all the time. Almost at any time you can see him smiling. I think that somehow all corporates paint a plastic surgery smile on these people whom they call CEO. OFcourse, these unfortunate people have the biggest responsibility of them all ! To sell the justification to employ a couple of thousand employees to their digital masters. They have to smile, Look happy selling their product. Look successful and personally sorted. They have to be a psycological superman, or atleast wear the face of one !!

Almost all our great scientists, Great thinkers, Anyone with any kind of influence on the way our society and philosophies have shaped up, have never had this plastic everlasting eternal smile ( except for the laughing buddha , whose smile was rather a hearty laughter and he was not out there to sell anything ! ! )) Infact I am yet to see one single photo of Jesus christ with a smile !!

We , Human beings at the peak of our abilities in terms of creativity . Instead of being a species of intelligence, realizing the significance of human life in a very fragile and generally unsupportive vaccum that we call Universe. Instead of celebrating each and every form of life. Helping them despite their handicaps to realize a beauty far beyond human comprehension. Celebrating the victory of sanity and consciousness over slumber and non life. We are out here to compete each other and annhilate our competetors in one of the most falseful fake stupid non reality called SALES. Advertisement. Stocks, cars, women , wine and craziness.


Today music is a realization of our social hollowness. The culture of fast beats with lot of profanity and concept of money over anything is a reflection of the aspiration of an ordinary man. A man whose conscience have been hijacked by this need to compete and defeat anything in his way ! There is no fairness, Just competition . I really do wish 2012 was the end of this world as we know it ! !!

Today was a strange day. Like every other day, But not like Yesterday. or the day before yesterday. I met her in the boulevards of my past. Could not remember the day, But it was not today. Today was a plain sight of sound and smell. Reality . .

It was twelve years, since I last heard from her. It was unbelievable. We often wish we could have all the experience , all the courage and wisdom we had today, to face our reality yesterday. Yes we all look back at time and feel embarrassed about things that we did , things that we did nt do, And things that we wished did. What we can do can change the face of reality, that of today forever. We could have become anything , with anyone. But we are not that wise are we. We are a growth, organic and inorganic growth. Infinite and reasonless growth. Negative and positive growth. Our growth is absolute and relative. Our growth is a journey from pointlessness to pointlessness. But we grow, Apart, and together we grow. We need to grow



I those twelve years reality had really changed for us. She had become a mother. Someone who gave a part of her mind body soul and uterus to give birth to twelve young children, one for each year that we were away. Yet She never bothered to care about looking at a part of her that she gave birth in my heart. She was not a single woman, She was the window of womanhood. Feminine thinking, The delicacy and carelessness of a dainty. Intelligence without pretense. It was a casual day in her life



I killed yesterday , But not me . The person in me who keep track of time, measures the wetness of our kisses, and eternity of time. I wait for you , Here today. Hope you can forgive. Hope you can bear the children of gods, Yes you do when you smile 

I was glad that no one really understood what I was trying to tell. Because something which is told will become digested, and defecated... and understood .. comprehended ..and judged !!

Madness....



What is madness ? I have a history with madness. My life is full of mad people. Karl marx, Tolstoy, Gandhi, Osho, Jesus, My father and mother, Even my grandmother ..Just to name a few.

Some were temporarily mad, You know light madness. Like madness with selective amnesia and frequent forgetfullness. I think 99.998 Percentage of human beings and chimpanzees are lightly and slightly mad. They become and behave like the clinically and seriously mad people at some point of their life. Atleast once a day they become this mad mad mad psycopaths who are so blinded by their madness that they for one very eventful micro second, become blinded and driven by this madness. May be my sense of observation is a bit sharp.

--> when you go for that smoke despite the sane voice in you ? you are that mad man !!
--> Like when you curse someone in a fit of rage?
--> like when you feel like / actually beating your child ! ?
--> You are mad when you lieing !

But I fail not to see a moment of madness in someone except for may be when I am in love(with them or their daughter) I think love is the only one emotion which can address and cure this madness in us. Permanent and temporary madness. When we love we become benevolent, We become like Jesus christ and we see only beauty and no ugliness. When we love we become profound and we become poets. We even see beyond wealth health and form factor of body too. May be a reason why Jesus says God is love..

Or God might have been in love when he created this world and this madness. He must have loved so much that he must have created a reason for this love to exist. Like Ying and Yang. I think the opposite of love is madness.

It is very difficult to imagine or explain this madness. Most madness is like Godness. Or goodness. YOu can feel it but really can not describe or define it. Definition differs from madness to madness and people to people. For me spending hours staring at Glass door of open shops is pure madness. But my wife achieves orgasm and childbirth (both at the same time ) when she watches these open shop doors. And for her, She just could nt understand my wanderlust. The need to travel. When someone as close as a couple. Supposedly close and intimate humans living together under same roof in an agreement to tackle the madness of marriage have such a vastly different opinion of what madness actually is, You can imagine the entire lot of humanity

The human race itself has this whole history of terrible, horrible and the most forgetful madness. They celebrate the culmination of this madness with grand fireworks and explosion of atom bombs.


Most of this madness are just like Chemistry. They are built up of the elements of hatred, lust, jealousy, insecurity and greed.



You see, I think the concept of marriage in itself is the root of all of the social collective genocides. The really ugly and mad comedy about marriage is, those who have done always regret it and those who did nt do always and so desperately want to be married. Well .. It is not that they want to get married. You see in a society where you get free/ unlimited / safe / secure guilt free sex for men. And financial and shame free freedom for women,  The concept of marriage is as ridiculous as Obama and his policies. But in the real world. Where sex, procreation is seen as a perversion, and naked body is seen / percieved as vulgar. Well Marriage is the only way you can share your deep dark secretive sanity to someone for about five milliseconds.
You see this five millisecond of sanity is insanely powerful. For sanity is sanity it does nt matter what you have to go through to achieve it.
 
You see, My friend , One of my very good friend. He is so naturally relaxed. So perfectly calm. So attractive that almost all girls in my class including the one from a hill station had proposed to him . He is so very tensed that he is almost mad now. The entire human race and his parents are .. kind of forcing him to find a bride. He is 30 now. The age in a guy s life to get married. It is a very critical age. It is like now or never. He is no more a naturally relaxed so perfectly calm person. He looks like he can kill, and torture an entire human race once again. He looks like he is ready for another world war. He was mad. . . An evolution of human race from sanity to insanity . From necessity to vulgarity . From food to MacDonalds

Madness....

What is madness ? I have a history with madness. My life is full of mad people. Karl marx, Tolstoy, Gandhi, Osho, Jesus, My father and mother, Even my grandmother ..Just to name a few. 

Some were temporarily mad, You know light madness. Like madness with selective amnesia and frequent forgetfullness. I think 99.998 Percentage of human beings and chimpanzees are lightly and slightly mad. They become and behave like the clinically and seriously mad people at some point of their life. Atleast once a day they become this mad mad mad psycopaths who are so blinded by their madness that they for one very eventful micro second, become blinded and driven by this madness. May be my sense of observation is a bit sharp.

--> when you go for that smoke despite the sane voice in you ? you are that mad man !!
--> Like when you curse someone in a fit of rage?
--> like when you feel like / actually beating your child ! ?
--> You are mad when you lieing !

But I fail not to see a moment of madness in someone except for may be when I am in love(with them or their daughter) I think love is the only one emotion which can address and cure this madness in us. Permanent and temporary madness. When we love we become benevolent, We become like Jesus christ and we see only beauty and no ugliness. When we love we become profound and we become poets. We even see beyond wealth health and form factor of body too. May be a reason why Jesus says God is love..

Or God might have been in love when he created this world and this madness. He must have loved so much that he must have created a reason for this love to exist. Like Ying and Yang. I think the opposite of love is madness.

It is very difficult to imagine or explain this madness. Most madness is like Godness. Or goodness. YOu can feel it but really can not describe or define it. Definition differs from madness to madness and people to people. For me spending hours staring at Glass door of open shops is pure madness. But my wife achieves orgasm and childbirth (both at the same time ) when she watches these open shop doors. And for her, She just could nt understand my wanderlust. The need to travel. When someone as close as a couple. Supposedly close and intimate humans living together under same roof in an agreement to tackle the madness of marriage have such a vastly different opinion of what madness actually is, You can imagine the entire lot of humanity

There was a time when all that I ever wanted to do was ..marry ! Really I really did nt knew the reason why I wanted to get married. Talk about corruption(rape/molestation/sodomy/masturbation) of mind. I think my mind was hopelessly numerous feel good movies about the Hero , Heroine and rain dance(with barely and rarely seen nipples and navel). And of-course the two flowers touching scene after marriage. I thought marriage was just about everything everyone wanted at some point of their life. Heck the entire society and my family thought marriage was the only destiny of anyone who unfortunately or fortunately is born and grown and ready for marriage. I think Indians were obsessed so much with marriage that they did nt even wait for sexual maturity. There were child marriages. Even the so called father of nation married when he was just 3 years old!


So being a Gandhian in this particular philosophy, I too thought marriage was the source and solution of all problems in a human life. You see being a kid, it is ill advisable to directly talk about something called marriage, SO every now and then I would hint my grandmother how nice it would have been to be married. Of-course she could never understand my point of view exactly the same way that I saw it. She then would link me up with some uncle s daughter (yes in some caste in India it is common to marry among close relatives ) and that s it. The worse thing is once she starts linking up, even ordinary conversation with that girl/cousin of mine becomes almost impossible. I dont know why this feeling of shyness comes in humans ? Is there any utility of being shy, What is it ?? I can understand anger, fear , happiness etc . I know that they all have some usefullness in the journey of evolution. But shyness ! ? In terms of feelings I think Shyness was an evolutionary blunder. The most funny part about being shy is you commit blunders in the name of this shyness. So you see it took me almost twenty years to slightly suppress this feeling of shyness from completely debilitating my chances to ..err...get married !



Then shyness gave away to another famous feeling of evolution. Pride ! I am not sure if this feeling applies to new generation kids in terms of their relationship with girls, I mean I just saw last week my five year old cousin (guy ) proposing to a girl through internet. He said he wanted advice from me regarding wooing the girl !! I am yet to recover from the shock, still I managed to get a life sized portrait of him to hang in my bedroom as inspiration in terms of my interaction with girl(s) . So this pride really interfered in quite a few initial interactions with girls. You know your pride prevents you from many crucial most important rituals of socially accepted pre mating courtship initiation (RSAPMCI). May be I was the odd man out to have pride prevent himself from...

1) Giving a love letter
2) Smiling sheepishly and stupidly at every single girl who cares(dares ) to look you in your eyes
3) Writing poetry explaining how they are more beautiful than moonlight and sunshine
4) Even copying lyrics of popular songs (please use songs from other language- Anyways thanks to internet and google almost anyone unless they are 64 years old can detect this love fraud of yours )


With the lack of proper social infrastructure for potential mating partners to being their RSAPMCI(Rituals of Socially Accepted Pre Mating Courtship Initiation ). It was really difficult and almost impossible to start moving towards marriage. So it was during college time that this feeling of pride gave away to the mother of all feelings. The feeling of having something inside your grow and almost wet some areas of clothes whenever you see / hear / smell / accidentally touch anything remotely related to female. I heard it is during junior college / college time that our hormones reach peak and optimum production efficiency. Add to this sensitivity of organs at their prime and it is a disaster if you wear light clothes ! I thanked Grasim suitings for having very thick almost sack like clothes for stitching trousers and I chose only shades darker than deep black. As embarrassing as this wetness on crotch was, these hormones did help me make some stupid yet memorable decisions of life. Soon I was freely giving away expression of love to girls. Anyone I saw and almost everyone I saw. Soon I was infected with this growing boiling hormones. I thought now hormones were circulating blood to vital organs and not the other way around. Soon my sheepish smiles and lengthy elaboration of girl(s) and their (non existent at times ) beauty was getting famous. Me and my one thousand two hundred and ninty seven friends thought I was shakespeare on dope (of hormones ). Too much of anything is too bad a thing to have. So my hormones in excess was its own undoing. Although I did attract a lot attention in good bad and ugly ways none of my attractions which I attracted materialized into successful RSAPMCI(Rituals of Socially Accepted Pre Mating Courtship Initiation )

You see after this I started drinking and smoking and cycling (all of which is really bad if done together ) So there I was again, Back to square one of the RSAPMCI(Rituals of Socially Accepted Pre Mating Courtship Initiation )


To my consolation I discovered that I was not the only one ! One thousand two hundred and ninty seven friends of mine (male / female et all ) were all. In some way or other very disasterous in the RSAPMCI(Rituals of Socially Accepted Pre Mating Courtship Initiation ). So that is why I went to my Grandmother again. This time after a long gap and much needed evidence (physical / emotional / facial hairal) to support my sexual maturity. So I suggest Grandmother of all children who are inept in RSAPMCI, Please help them . There is nothing wrong it is the RSS feed of life