Posting a love letter - A little too late

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Love that is forever, Is nt that plastic, That which is eternal, is nt that lifeless. Love can only be an affinity , A polarity , an extremely spontaneous mysterious illogical helplessness. Sudden unexplainable phenomenon. Where you are left wanting, Where you are left longing, praying almost. You know you are right in your yearning . You have all the rights to yearn. You really are not sure what you are yearning for. That object of your love is very questionable. It is always questionable... It is definitely not worth that yearning.

Nothing is worth it . no not even god is worth this yearning. It is definitely not human. For no human is worth this helpless helplessness.

I can only love something or someone. Love is there , It needs someone to objectify it. I am not god to contain this love. It used to bring a lot of pain. To hold this love. NO pain is not the word. It was almost death itself. An emotional manifest of death itself. The very end of your being. The gasp for breath when your body run out of oxygen. Your mind no longer wants to live. But I am thankful that now it is not painful. I am rather enjoying this love which is generally undirected, uncontainable. Sometimes it comes out as poems, Sometimes prose. . . May be someday I might be able to enjoy this love without writing or singing. But now I have to write this

It is not that I think about you all the time. It is not that your thoughts are all that is filling my mind ( or heart or soul ). I am ordinary man most of the day, with ordinary worries. About petrol, About global warming. About existence of earth in another fifty years.

I measured it. It is as long as a flash of lightening. But that flash takes me to an eternal time warp. I am caught transcending reality and dream, into a world of my own. Where the entire universe exists just for us. We evolved just so that I can see your skin and you, my bones.

So that I can experience this helplessness of being away from you.

So that I can be thankful for this great sacred un-bridgeable gap between us.

I never gave her a love letter, when she was living just 1.297 kilometers from my home. When we were living in the same town, studying same schools. But alaas we were only in our sixth and seventh years of our existence. Me and her respectively. When I first read about love, When I first heard poems and dances of love. I knew that the feeling that I had, I regretted being born naive. Why I did not recognize and celebrate love when I was sitting right next to her, Shielded by our innocence.

It is appalling that man needs a reason for his existence, To justify the fact that he is living. I gave up finding reasons for our love. I stopped rationalizing the signs universe gave us. I knew that love was not an emotional byproduct of biology nor an biological byproduct of an emotion. It was just was . Being for its own sake

I learnt to live with my flash of lightening , With pain and love . I understood why people live with their religions, despite contradictions in reason. I understood