Peace and Prayers

Molly s Lips
Man is always obessesed with what he can not have

.Rich man who is not healthy craves for health

.Everyone would always invent something or the other

to make themselves miserable . Its as if they would

derive their pleasure from torturing themselves to

the very limits of sanity .only when he loses all

..and something more ..does he realise what he was

having ..how beautiful it was what he was having

What little did i indeed had ..thought Ram.

He was almost sixty years old . He thanked even his

name, which was very old.World was moving very fast

around him . It was as if he was suffocated with the

world which was moving with dizzying speed . Every

where there was movement . some slow .. some fast

.but surely every one was moving somewhere else .

some would even move even when they were sleeping

..some would move in thier thoughts even when they

were standing still . Movement was life and noise

for Ram . without movement .things would seem so

empty . It was only to fill the emptiness of this meaninless silence that we actually move around and seek immense sensory overload with movements !

But i was moving towards the end of all movements . i was moving towards immobility .i was moving and slowly and so inevitably moving towards my own death . with memories only to enhance the reality of what i was about to face .. So thought Ram . He was living in an age where RAM was nothing but an obselete technological jargon . Ever since the inception of virtual material memory technology , silicone conductors and electronic circuits has been rendered obselete . Now chemical reactions and virtual nuerochemicals do the maths for the complicated machines that humans used . He remembered how it was when there was lot of excitment when there was a new movie released and the music would play in everyone s tune s. Now its all about participatory and even collaborative music where the music changes with the mood of the mind . Once connected to the head , it will automatically read the mental pattern and would create music with its own database of music from through out the entire history of humanity . Some people had a very tough time controlling the machine . Its as if the machine would have a mind of its own

The music machine was a really huge hit when it was introduced . It was called the M-Tunes .Now even this was nearing obscelance. Now everything is controlled by mind . Moving and using muscles to achieve what one wants is considered stone age ..or so called Desktop age .

The border between man and machine was slowly blurring . So much advancement in the integration of electronics or neuronics as it is called today .. had made these machines a mere extension of human mind and body .

Now they are talking about genonics . It was a rare integration of our gene and DNA with micro robotics and nano reactives .

Love was still a very intruiging feeling that no amount of advancement in electronics could help resolve . There were some really awesome simulation softwares which had made them feel love and would simlute virtual Lovers with advanced emotional quotients and artificial intelligence . Microsoft love softwares were always full of bugs . It would always express irrational behaviour which added to its charm . Some even argued that these vital flaws where what made these more real and appealing . There were so many opensource love simulation softwares which were really amazing and creative . There were softwares which had some really popular yesteryear beauties like Cameron Diaz and Kate winslet as charectors which assist in realisation of love . Some were even based on obsolete film technologies and Romantic sitcoms of television heydays .


But in reality ..people rarely spoke to each other . Reality was something which was avoided at all costs . No one even cared for decent food or clothings . There was always some virtual vitamins available which would make one feel good after having a screenshots of them !

To the two thousand billion people who could not afford even food ..these remained at best a strange fiction . Some even thought that they were the work of some supernatural forces. There was a strange shortage of food and water . Ram was worried if his old age and ever dwindling saving would land him in poverty . He was relatively rich in his younger days . But the rat race electronics and obscelence of his skills had made him irrelevant to modern day economics . He was forced to retire after a writing software with advanced intelligence had wrote much more inspiring and artistic works than he did . The manufacturers claimed that the software only needs to be fed with one paragraph of the writer to figure out his writing pattern and it would simulate and enhance the writing style .

There was no orginality , thought Ram .

He wondered whether humans had figured out the equation of life . May be with insights into mathematics and electronics so advanced that it was now possible for man to look at his existance and understand and to control one s past future and that of other life forms and also non life forms .

He wondered if Sheni was alive today . Sheni was an upper middle class girl ..the only girl Ram had ever loved . Ever since she had married her dream lover in virtual space , Ram had lived a life hating the virtual technology . Sheni was really lost in the virtual simulations which were taking place at that time . Reality and dream world created had made no difference to her . but to Ram .. it was an end of a twenty five year old affair . Ram had started loving sheni since he was 10 years old . He did not recognise his strange affinity which had filled his night and days with wonderful fulfillment as love until he had seen his first romantic comedy film in english .They remained friends for a very long time . But Ram always insists that their relationship was something more than just plain friendship .

It was on his thirty fifth Birthday that Sheni had decided to Marry her virtual friend Mr Imran Khan . It was a very advanced software simulation of artifical reality by Microsoft . Everyone her age was fast adopting to such softwares to end thier loneliness and boredom .Most of them even considered it far more superior than a real relationship .

Ram had always felt all these as masturbatory . It was almost as if the world was in a big masturbatory hallucination . It was eating up what little shit it was capable of making .

Suicide was a really old fashioned way of ending one s life . There were so many modern methods of ending one s existance . There was Public booths which would dispense Suicide kits to those who were willing to buy them . It was as if Government was promoting painless suicide .People just could not bear physical and direct pain .

It was on his way back from beach that Ram had Got hold of a latest neuronic Suicide kit . It was illegal to sell suicide kits to those above Poverty line . But Ram had some friends in the Village . He got it from them . There were many places untouched by modernisation . He was glad to see among many things Fossil fuels and Petrol driven wagons and bikes. He was in tears when he saw as Apache RTR . It was his dream bike which he also happened to own ! ..only when he was forty five years younger .

There was no injection or chemicals involved in the nueronic suicide kit . It was just a headgear of sorts . you were just supposed to wear it. and switch it on !

He decided to have few glasses of whiskey and his favourite music to play .Real whiskey was so punchent and hard to down .. so thought Ram . but he was more than happy to have it . He had many friend when he was young and able . But at this time when he decided to say good bye . he remembered a few of them . There was one Mathew .. one hickson..glanson .. Siva kumar .. Ajeesh .. Molly .. Steve .. Rubrick ..He was grateful for the memories ..Breaking the god illusion once and for all had been the biggest achievement of the century ..so claimed the modern computer governed society .But He prayed to the non existing god before he sipped his last glass of whiskey . Johny walker ..his favourite band .

A really wild ride ..it was just like Marinjuana . He failed to differentiate between reality and illusion or so called Maya ..

But for Ram .. Electronic maya was something he never really wanted ! It ended with Beep

Everything ....

even Silence Ended with His death ! The suicide kit automatically informs goverment about his death . The organs were Vital .Many invaluable components could be made with human plasma and nuerons .

Humans feeding on humans ..

just for the pleasure of it !!

Make love with yourself

Reality Cheking
it is indeed a strange world . to find the answers

is easier than to understand question . Infact all

answers has always been an escapism of sorts from

any real questions.

Why do we ask so many questions . now there

is a certain aesthetics to what is being asked is it

. There were many questions in my life . Some were

stupid ..some intelligent .some funny ..some so

severely depressing ..


I ve asked myself several qeustions to

myself while i was waiting for her to return from

her duty .It had been seven years since i saw her .

Yes exactly seven years .And that too the last time

i saw her it was as if watching a faint flicker of a

lamp before it had went out.Anticipation was leaving

me breathless.Will she really come ..or had this

been a joke all along .Better half of human life had

been spent on waiting .We wait to grow up ..to get

out first bike ride ..we wait for our first kiss..we

wait for our marriage..we wait for our first child

.. his / her education..their achievement .. and the

most helpless waiting.. the waiting for death .. But

waiting for her on the gate in my car had been the

most sweetest waiting i had done so far . The

pleasure and anticipation had far exceeded the

excitement of eagerly awaiting the climax of an

ordinarily intelligent movie .i could sense the pain

in my right eye reoccuring again after the gap of

almost two hours

It had been just one week before that i had

seen accident happen to me after a very long time .

It was unbelievably shocking to say the least

.Aliyaah..that s what i had screamed to Mathew ..as

the bike had almost touched the rim of the road .. i

instantly knew that any amount of screaming ..or

praying ..or any bargain with god can not make me

get back to safety . I was only fearing worse . As i

was plunging head first into tarmac.I did not knew

which part of my body was going to get maximum

punishment . Obviously i had given up any hope of

expecting damages which could be healed within a

week , I had always been amazed how easy or bearable

it is for one to be bleeding all over and still

manage not to faint . Yep what i feared worse had

not happened .. and i did not faint . Only if i was

as courageous and gutsy when i first started

proposing to girls . but when you are in first

standard and still in your diapers of sorts. you

dont exactly evolve your courage to the level of

being steady ! i could find dirt and sand all over

my mouth and eyes .I stopped crying a really long

time ago . My friends bike was lying almost twelve

feet down from the ground . I was so totally

helpless in not being able to go there and do

anything about bringing the bike to road again .

As i had felt the torch of a mobile

telephone probe the extend of my injuries , i felt a

sigh of relief in not having excessive exaggerations

for the one who saw my face in the faint light of

the mobile .He was infact relieved of sorts that i

only had some minor injuries of sorts. but blood ..

The one which is thicker than water..and petrol ..

was running all over my exposed skins . I was not

exactly scared . I only feared not being able to

bath or go to loo without risking infection . Had to

keep out of water till the time i get it healed .the

very water ..the giver of life .Also gave life to

the germs which rot and fed on my wounds and

effectively myself.Water was not my friend ..nor it

was my enemy .infact water was neutral . To me ..to

the microbes..to life .. to death . to healing ..and

for disease.

It was almost starting to heal.I saw her

standing across the road ! i felt that i would die

of suffocation . She was half naked and fully

clothed . She was autumn and winter and spring

too.She was to me at that moment life for my eyes as

well as ears as much as she was to my heart and to

soul . She asked me to wait .I was willing to wait .

a bit more i thought .. i waited like life waited

for a meaning . like meanings had waited for life !

I still could not believe my eyes ears body

mind or soul that she was walking towards me at that

moment ! There was no magic ! there was no music !

there even was not some fragrance of rose ..nor

lillies or some fantastic and extraordinary

miracles.But still .. that moment .. when she came

near me .. i felt that i was witnessing a miracle .

But for her ..i was just a friend . Infact

may be someone even less than a friend . A curiosity

! yeah .. i mostly thought that i was just a

curiousity to her . Just a passing fancy . May be

she was attracted to me as a child was to bright

flourscent colours . I was absolutely a non

necessory accessory of sorts . Just a decoration .

nothing more . A passtime even at best . or may be

something worse .. a disturbance or an amusement . i

was one of those creatures which could easily have

been dispensed from existance ..so i thought .

I was looking at her face through out the

conversation , i was looking for the slightest hint

of intimacy , which i had hoped for .. dreamed of ..

and could never find in real life . i almost felt

that she was obligated if not anything to ride with

me on her way to her next assignment .


I not exactly enjoyed riding the car i

thought .. i really liked myself not to enjoy riding

cars as much as i do bike s ..But infact it was sad

but true that i indeed loved riding cars as well .

may be more than bike . But cars was something i

could ill afford to run on a regular basis . Bike

was totally fun.Especially My RTR .


She had not spoken that much to me in our

way back . I had imagined my mothers warmth ..my

fathers care ..intelligence wit ..humour and something which answered all my unanswered questions in my conversation with her . but she must have been tired or repulsed or must have felt disgusted that some one could come that distance just to have a chat with her .But what was worse was that i was even feeling responsible for the stale situation.We must have had countless conversations about infinite topics everything under the sun and more . but unfortunately or fortunately , i had always felt that our conversations were incomplete .May be something could not be said , may be somethings needs to be told over and over again.

I had almost missed having several accidents on our way back . Thankfully , but secretely i had always had felt that if i wanted to die , the best was would be to be near her when i did,i had seen several deaths ...murders..suicides..and so called natural death ..none to me had the charm of having the one you love near you .Fulfiling almost our destiny of sorts . Life was to me nothing more than what was happening at that moment , this was probably the very reason why i was born , why i was grown , and probably i would not find something more meaningful in my death too .. so i thought


Forty five minutes of meaningless staring at each other had us reaching metro city in a somewhat lame journey which was wasted as well as disappointing . I smelt nothing but fear and a sense of deeply felt insecurity in her proximity with me . She was to me as close as butter in cold water . like being fed with plastic bag when you are dieing of hunger , i was feeling deeply disappointed and beaten with her warmth . I would have had more warm converstations with an enemy in a battle field right when he was about to kill me with sword .


i did not curse myself or her ..nor did i feel angry or disappointed . A moment was passing by me .. Perhaps the most beautiful moment of my life . Perhaps the most beautiful moment in the history of humanity . Peak of experience and beauty ..

But we were too engaged with our fears that we had missed it ..i feared having her dissappointed with my unimaginative thoughts and conversations..she was fearing many things ..among them the safety of my car and our journey back home .We all miss our moments .. These moments which make life really beautiful does not have to be in a hill station ..or in an exotic islands surrounded by lush greenaries.. These moments are what we could have had with the ones we love .. no matter where ..even in a maruthi Van running on LPG .Only we need to open our eyes ... to the beating hearts .. to emotions and love .. we need to open our eyes and ears .. our soul to life which loves us more than we could ever contain with our entire life of every single human ..animal ..atom .. eletrons or protons .

Sheni i failed to tell you on our way back that i love you . And you failed to hear me say that i love you ..

We both failed our love ..our life .. and our very destiny .. because i feared boring you .. and you feared being with ME

Last week has been one of the most static week of my life . Had to meet with an accident ! It was a sunday evening of last week . We were on a joy ride in my Friends brand new bike . It was a superfine evening and the bike was really one of the best available in indian market . A pulsor 220 . It was very hard for us to not to push it to the very limits of engineering .
But being the quitenssential indians we were , we always were concerned about only one thing .. to safely gaurd our possession to the extend of covering it with the last piece of dignified plastic we have , By plastic we mean polythene cover ..covering the seats .. the shields and stuff.
Ofcourse we indians never even broken any single rule in the usermanual . And we were only going below 40 Kmph .
Everything was really smooth and handsome .Even managing occasional glances from what little members of opposite sex who happened to grace the roads .

It was on the turning towards the ECR road that we noticed that we had run out of road in the steep incline towards the bridge . And when we realised that we had indeed come to the end of the road , it was too late to react ..or to break ..or to even to scream . The feeble noise which came from me even was confused enough not to have any expressions in it . It was one of the most shocking and unbelievable event in the last few years . Its been a really long time since i had fallen from bike . And this was something i really did not wanted at this point of time .infact at any point of my life ! Yepp .. only when i fell with my head first in the sand and tarmac did i realise that it was all too late but to take the fall with all my stride .

I could not stand up immediately after the fall . but to my credit i did stand up only to realise the blood clouding my ability to see with my right eye . I really dont know how to thank those two guys who were on our back in an Apache RTR . They did stop immediately and tried to help us get up .

Nothing serious really did happen to me or to Mathew who was driving . Just some minor scratches and bruises . More to my ego than to those skins!

Chennai -Adsense and fate
On a saturday evening , Being so terribly and horribly single, taking a stroll on the Beasent Nagar beach , You could see millions , yah literally billions of couples , hand in hand . Browsing shops , having what little could be afforded by their pocket money .But they all indulged in teasing me ..Quinessentially and existentially teasing the reality of my existance as a bachelor being satisfied only by images and videos of mating and dating ! Jealousy..there is no cure for that emotional AIDS i suppose.

Enough was enough , I so desperately wanted a girlfriends ..Now what makes an individual my girlfriend so unique ! i had many friends who also happen to be girls . But there was nothing female about them . Yeah i had good times with them . Even the best time and chat with them . But at the end f the day , they all sounded like myself .May be an extension of my thought or something . There was not at anypoint any singular element in their conversation which had even remotely indicated that they had any trace of female hormones running through their blood . Yeah ..they all loved male stars who were boyish . Yeah they shared their interest in Cooking .But man .. they just were so Masculine and so unbearable in their conversation .May be they dont excite me sexually !

Yah that s it ..Eureka ! YEP sex was the one thing with which i should be able to recognise the one who is my girl friend. Sex is something which is taken for granted by so many of them lucky teenagers endowed with good looks , Pocket money and Their Dads ferrari with petrol ladden enough to give shivers to any pretty thing on short skirt and waxed legs ! But me ..being part of a clan of suckers who would lose their virginity one day before they reach impotency !! i mean male menopause or something na !! Sex was what you would see only in Cathode ray tubes ..and in Pictures ..The stuff dreams and nightmares were made of ! The thing you did to yourself when excitment is unbearable ! I dont have anything to do with sex.I hope they marry me off soon ..in the next five year or something .but by then i would sure to lose all my excitment with sex .and i am sure my loss of excitment would surely benefit my frustrated wife on the look out for youngthings on Pulsors and cycles while i am out in office chugging aways codes and codes of mind numbingly useless programs ! But i had no rights to feel offended .It was a fantasy of mine till i turned to 18 to sleep with those pretty mammas who neighboured our home while their husbands who must have lost thier virginity on age of 40 worked abroad and enriched India s foreign exchange rates ..albiet marginally

Enough was enough ! Its almost twenty six years now since i stepped out of womb ..and almost 10 years since i had experienced my first ejaculation .still it was seeing only the impression of my palm my dear thing down under . Its time that i finally got its due ..I needed a girl friend .

I felt like that stupid Senthil asking Manisha Koirala ...what he lacked that Kamal hasan had ! Yeah logically he was correct only and when you switch off the light i dont think there would be much of a difference between kamal hasan and senthil ...not as much as there is between a ferrari and Mini without petrol! they are just both junk wieghts ...Yah what was wrong with me ! when you switch of the lights that is ! Hmm...i guess nothing

But still i never been a babe magnet .May be it got to do with the place that i am coming from . I always beleived that Kottarakara was a place which groomed morons and politicians .Virtually everyone was trapped in a virtual emotional blindness .The only conversation elders had with youngsters was only about when they are going to school .. what job ..what course ..yeah ..there were some occasional messengers of god ..willing only to exploit our helplessness and social condition . Yeah man .. Kottarakara . Small town with a smaller attitude ,hmm..that definetely caused some anxiety sydrome in me in the way it had always made me feel smaller than i really am . But i was brilliant as a student (atleast i wish to think that way) i had always passed exams without fail . Sometimes i even managed to top the class..And what big mouth i had .I could just about say anything to anyone without caring where i was or whom i was speaking to

Yeah that s it ..I just need to go out there and talk ..Open my mouth and leave it to magic .And that is how i lost my first teeth which inevitably made me visually challenging for onlookers for more than the first glance to look at ! Nowadays even dogs are being scared to look at me for more than five minutes . Talk about symmetry and genetics !! I mean i was perfectly okay with my smile .But the brother of the first girl to whom i proposed after the realisation and confidence of my new found trust in my speaking talents , I had casually just mentioned to Blessy that i was wildly attracted to her and i would not mind having to sleep with her ..Initially she just was speechless . Then she had slapped me ..I should have known that her slap was only a sign of things to come.Just a trailer and teaser before the realy super duper hit ..her brother would stop my M80 and would thrash me in the middle of the road ..

Gandhi must have been a moron to have suggested that you show your other cheek when you are slapped . I showed it and got a bigger slap . I was hoping so desperately that i would not repeat my experience with the one who was smiling at me across the cafe bar ..Was she really smiling at me ! naa .. may be laughing .She must be an oracle ..She must have read through my incessant frustrations .. She was having a cruel joke about me in her mind . What a schmuck i must be ! she must have thought on similiar lines . Okay ... so far so good ! but there was something reassuring to me about the way she looked at me .never at once had she taken her glimpse from me. I think she has this twisted taste ...you know wierd taste .. Not everyone likes to eat raw fish .. rotten eggs ..but there are some people who really love it ..There are even people who would eat tube lights and nails . May be she was just a wierdo trapped in a beautiful female booty !

What the hell , I was ready to take my chance . I mean .. what i got to lose . I lost the better part of my dignity wheni made an arse of myself in front of a class nearing 80 females on a monsoon day when i realised my zipper was open , and i was wearing a torn underwear ..gloriously revealing my most darkest and ugliest secrets . Not a single female dared to look at any direction in which i was coming ! but that was okay ..Past is past and it had helped me exhaust what little illusion i had about my dignity . Having had enough bad taste in cofee shops which served Cuppucino . I just went inside and ordered a Coke

Yeah ..it was so obvious She was looking at me only . I was slowly sipping my coke . I would so casually and so stealthly return her looks with mine ..the way i looked had always been very ugly and untasteful . Wait a minute .. she stood up ,....still looking at me ! Wow wonderful . I did nt knew what to do when i sensed that she was slowly walking towards me ! It was a rainy day and i was sitting in an airconditioned room and still i could feel the sweat running down my forehead . Yah ..she was walking towards me . What was wrong with today .. everything was going so right . I wished i had bought a lottery ticket . i was sure i would win the first prize .

This is just not possible . She was almost three feets from where i was sitting and still looking and walking towards me . This was too much . and i was sure that she was coming for a different reason . May be to pay the bill . May be because she had left something near my seat . I just took out my mobile .There was no calls ..no messages for me . Yet i just fiddled with it as if i was having the most important call of my life.

The way i smiled at her when she said hi .. that will go down in my pathetic history as the most embaressinly ugly and uninviting smile EVER. I mean it was as pathetic and unimaginative as my copied love letters that i gave to every third female that i met ! To my surprise she so gracefully accepted my smile and asked whether she could sit next to me and if i was expecting some one !

This better be real , i hoped . She introduced herself as Shabnam . Now wait a minute . That was something i remembered ! yah Shabnam . But i just could not remember who she really was . She was somewhat upset .on my failure to express some immediate shock or surprise on meeting her on that day at that place .Oh but ofcourse .. Faiz s sister !

She have been there in chennai ever since i landed in this shittly place . She had recognised me from long distance . Now this really shattered all my new found vigour and confidence of my looks . I was really expressionless in the next half an hour dull and dragging conversation with her . It was the most lifeless few minutes that i could ever spent with anyone . Faiz was always very cruel to me ! He even beat me up once ..black and blue . I was sure he would enjoy beating me up again .. for the most silliest of reasons . Some how all the appeal and charm that i saw in Shabnam .. was immediately distilled when she mentioned Faiz . What was i thinking !

Back in my room , I was doing what i did best ! posting ads on adsense . I was sure that i would lose my virginity one day . One day before my impotency and just an hour before i am hunted by erectile dysfunction .Till that time i had adsense .. and some Debonair to comfort me !

Life sux man ! so how do i live with it !! i just lie !! you know untruth !! dreams !! phone sex !! now get out of here and get me some nice girls

First money -Fast money- Adsense
Its as if the world has been obsessively compulsively disordered by one single factor which unites all of its humanity to a common and singular aim in life ! that of making money ..heaps of it .. large chunks and tons of it !They are willing to do anything for paper with Goverment seal of transaction on it .Murder , Rape , Roconnaissance .Comedy , acting ! WHat not ! some are even Presidents for the want and assurance of money

Very rare and few are not comparetively obsessed about money , They are lunatics.and are locked up in Prisons .or misunderstood and stoned . Worse become Icons and called saints . What is so magical about money !

There was a period in my life where i was not so much Obsessed in life about money ! Who am i , ah i forgot to introduce myself na! okay I am Papz . People also call me Krishna . Of the people who call me Krishna , very few i Promote..Like one female called Afrida ! .. Hmm..that period was the time i had spent in nurturing thoughts of making myself creatively available for fellow conniosuers of art and fine things in life .Days and night were so magical and young as well as enchanting .life was nothing short of infinite possibilities.where there was enough time to sleep without guilt and enough food to be eaten without worrying about time or guilt of getting fat . where the most immediate worry was about the mark you may score in the next exam ..or at worse about your next tactic to impress someone who was pissed of so badly during the last time that she refuse to even look at your face even when you are staring point blank at her for the whole day .

I really wondered how humans could change over the years. experience really shapes their personality in ways unfathomable . And after we achieve things more often than not loses their importance . and you almost feel sorry for having lost even the most insignificant things in life .Strange yet more factual than it is fictional !

College was really funny . I really wondered how i could propose to so many girls at so frequent an interval . Being a small college , you almost end up knowing even the blade of grass by Name by the third week you have cofee with them ! But small it was only in numbers . But complexities ... Each individual was an enormous enigma in the ways which left me confused about what they really wanted.One thing..only this much was sure for me ..that every single individual who looked at me must have found something interesting in me ! my Body ..face .. non existant Biceps .

It would not be criminally dishonest if i say that it was more curiousity than hormones which had driven my initial pull towards the girls .And ofcourse . it was considered sort of an image building excercise to say the very least to have atleast someone of opposite sex wildly interested in you . It was at that time that it had occured to me that the Black bombshell Afrida was very obviously single . I mean she was virtually the only one who was ever not engaged with conversation or with telephone over message.Besides She had a silence which had made him assured that she was lonely .

It s always funny when you are not introduced to a girl , and you are wildly interested in her . You do very desperate things to get her attention and years of wisdom so painfully grows along the guilt of having done something incredibly stupid . I mean retarded stuff ..stuff even santaclaus would not do on a christmas day ! Hmm.. i m talking about the way i proposed to her ..or sort of . some crazy ass has told me that she liked Choclate very much . I too have heard that females are wildly attracted to choclate ..and common .. For ages it has been known as a best aphrodesiac . So i tried my luck with Choclate . And i bought lots of it . Literally , I have exhausted the last bit of my pocket money on the best available choclate in the canteen . Hardly had they anything more expensive than could be afforded by Poor students on a diet decided by budget . So i could not buy any expensive choclate . i had to do with Numbers .Where quality is lacking i will do with quantity . She could have lots of it the whole load of it . She could have till she puked ..or sort of !!

Knowing that she would leave to ooty next half an hour a sudden sense of urgency and panic had stuck my mind ! Hardly was it few one kilometer from where i was and from where she would board the bus . And the moron in the canteen was less than able to put the choclates in the packet which would attract even my grandmother ! And this was too huge and investment not to fructify . I just had to do with a Polythene cover .The one which i used to feel so embarressed to take it out to market on a deserted sunday afternoon even ! I cursed among the few ..George W Bush for my plights that day . Hmm any ways ..the choclates was somewhat attractive . atleast i hoped so .

I never knew that i could run so fast . May be it was the choclates were feeding my nerves .Apetiser of soul may be even ! I could see her coming from far . She had a few bags and few ugly bags ..uglier friends .I always had hated Afrida s friends . I thought they were the ones who had currupted her to accepting and appreciating American Nuclear policies . I was till panting under the tree as she was walking towards me . would she kiss me in the lips for buying all the Choclates in that shop .One in each variety !or would she kiss me in the soul with her silence and teasing enchanting smile ! I did not know

I always was amazed how silent and confidant she was even while i was trembling myself for having run out of good humour !I just stood thier like an idiot .I had to talk about the weather and had to ask her the most cliche questions like where she is headed .She must have thought i was somekind of freak for asking such obvious and stupid unimaginative questions.

My very violent sprints failed the strength of the cover , There was a small hole in the bottom of the choclate covers.. it was very embarressing and stupid to look back and see a trail of choclates starting right from the small shop from where i bought the choclates ..Lo.....my whole weeks pocket money was laying there ..as evidence to how stupid and how unimaginative a human can get under the influence of baby testosterone . Words failed me so did emotions when i saw one more was falling right from the cover as i was standing there invariably looking at her , my cover , and my empty pocket

If there is one thing i am not entirely disgusted about the whole incidence is my courage ..or rather lack of intelligence in picking up some of the choclates from the trail .. and getting them back to the cover .. and Giving them to Afrida ! God who ever named her Afrida !As she took it from me ,..she asked me the most painful question .. She asked me whether it was my Birthday . She must have been in Hitlers concentration camps as an employee .. how could someone have the heartlessness to see something as stupid as what i have done .. and still believe that i would be celebrating my birthday by doing something as desperate as this . To my dismay , i found myself nodding my head .

Believe it or not ... this was the way we had met first ..Although being in the same class with her for about one whole year . My appearance reflected in anything with a shiny surface had always discouraged my advancements with girls . I was simply too good .. or so i wanted so desperatley to believe !So i ended up making the most crankiest of jokes and making the most funniest and at times most arrogant of comments .. hoping desperately that anyone wth apprecaition for sense of humour and oddities would atleast dare to look at my corner.But my first meeting with Afrida had failed all my notions about what i had thought about her . At times i thought she was scared of me ..or secretly resented me . When she had came back from her place , i had got her Mobile phone number .

I had lost many layers of my fingertips and keypad in the months which followed. Free message must have been one mistake cell operators would have regretted having given to us as a facility !mostly it was messaging .I wondered ..really wondered what i was to her .She never really aknowledged her feeling towards me . but she confirmed one thing only ..only one thing ..that she could never be in love with me . And i was so stupidly insanely and naivley in love with her .

Not even micro seconds must have passed with the pace of those two years that i spend on phone ..messaging and mails with her . I thought that we had talked through almost anything under the sun .. from sex to religion ...to politics ..philosphies .. food .. kids..movies ..music .I had to read a lot to keep up with the interesting pace of conversation . i had even imagined poetic permenance to our relationships .. I had fantasised about our relationships taking many colours .. that of lovers..brotherhood ... motherhood .. what not ! I had even imagined us messaging each other about stories of movies we had seen just twenty five minutes before we died !

Looking at my clock at 3 '0 clock in the office on a friday evening , All that thoughts haunted my belief in true love and money . Afrida had said good bye once and for ever when last year she had ditched me for a very rich and handsome individual handpicked by her father in Dubai . I felt really disgusted at the whole concept . How could she be so insensitive to my feelings . Is it true that she too was something less innocent than a dogs bottom which was fucked by so many rabid cats ! Wow .. how could she have said all those really nice things about me ! Is it true that she was the same individual who had called him up when ther was a bomb blast in Bangalore .

World was indeed strange .. It has stoned Jesus .. and made George W Bush the President of America ..Although totally unrelated events and individuals in a totally different time scaled..they reflected the average reality of human evolution . I too needed stoning ... from reality ..from Kanja ! from Afrida .I still remembered how defeated .Powerless and so sub human i felt in convincing her that i can somehow work it out between us both . I was still studying at that time , and so was she , But she was a much brighter than me ! Physically , emotionally , and economically ! and she just could not deal with the financial aspects of having to settle with me . But she was cunning enough not to admit to her very raw and cunning motives . She would always flower her bullets with words like friendship .. and what crap ! But i never felt sorry for loving her .I still did ! love her or sorts . But my love i felt was so very much totally unjustifiable even to myself . And this self ..my self was the biggest problem

Myself was incapable of making enough money to meet my very dream and longing since the dawn of my conscious days . I thought even if i made all the money in the world , i would just not get another single moment with my Afrida !

Money ..money .. Money was my revenge ..and i thought that somehow if had made enough money , i would eventually find a way to meet her on a daily basis .. or atleast i thought i would find ways of making her memories less painful . I thought my material gains would compromise my emotional losses .

That is when i heard about adsense .. And it has been a straight ..steady .. erosion of love ..happiness and faith ever since ..


So my advice to you is ..dont believe in love .. dont believe in pain .. dont believe in adsense too .. for they are all a big hoax and conspiracy by none other than Mr you know how .. George W Bush

Name the wonly part of the werld, where Malayalis don't werk hard? Kerala (Other plazes they do werk hard)Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?

Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding

and re-tying the lungi.

Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket? To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in the Gelff.

Why do Malayali's go to the Gelff?
To yearn meney.What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?

He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.

Why did the Malayali go to the concert in Rome?

Because he wanted to hear pope music.

What is Malayali management graduate called?

Yem Bee Yae.

Why did his wife divorce him?

Because he was louwing another woman.
Who found out that? His aandy. What does a Malayali do when he goes to America? He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren. What does a Malayali use to commute to office(oaffice) everyday?

An Oto.
Who is Malayali's fyamousu eactor end aectress? Geedha, Revadhi, Zilgsmidha end Ambiga.

Why Kerala is the heghly literate state in India?
Its easily giving Degree to get rid of the peapal from Kerala SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT FOR ALL YOU CHAIN MAIL ADDICTS :

Please don't delete this file after reading, at least you

should send this as mail to: 10 Malayalis & you will receive cecenut oil 20 Malayalis and you will receive benena chips 40 Malayalis you will receive appams

Why the hell do we marry
67

By Myriad






Love dies in marriage !



Today , i am only 26 . Its too early to say that i am an eternal bachelor . But i had a philosophical and logical reasons for staying single for a long time . and Eternally if things confirm to what thoughts that come to my mind .

Marriage is somthing which is taken for granted .most people marry out of inevitablity of the whole thing . Its almost insane to remain a single . Even the very word will sound very vulgar after a particular age . To be a bachelor after 30 atleast in that part of the world where i live is a very big shame . I had met quite a few bachelors in my life . My mentor in the early days of growth was a person whom i used to call fondly as Roshin swamy . He was a person well past his 50s . He used to look unusually sophisticated for the place where he was . He was a brahmin . he used to read English newpaper and was the object of pride for my Father s restaurent . He was sort of a clerk ,in my fathers restaurent in that shanty town .He was the first person i knew who spoke understandable english . My father knew him like he knew a tragedy . I used to feel puzzled why my father was so worried about Roshin swamy. Roshin swamy was a bachelor in old age .No one wants to take care of old aged . They are just a big burden for them .

Old age brings its burden to the very person itself . Old age is the biggest challenge and a kind of injustice nature has done to human freedom and intelligence . Everything comes with a baggage and old age and human handicap of our disintegration before ourselves seems to be the biggest baggage related to being old and human and alive . I felt less sorry for the plight of people who commited suicide . There should not be any more tragedy than dying from old age . feeling like a beggar . In front of children who grew drawing from their own blood .

Being lonely is another big challenge of being a bachelor . i ve heard that i you find the key to being alone , you find the key to happiness and human destiny .It is the sense of lack and inferiority that is driving us to having relationships with people .

I finally decided to be alone in my life . No marriage in my life , i thought . i will not marry . As i was leading my life like that . i gradually began to become obsessed with many of my sensory , intellectual and emotional pursuits . My love desire and longing for a human relationship was replaced by my equally disastrous love and desire for things material . Like i grew in my fondness towards my bike . its quite funny how remorseless you are in spending money on shamefully expensive things of passion when you are young , so i was too quite shamless in spendng a big part of my saving in a sports bike that i yearned to own ever since i graduated from high school .

I used to feel satisfied to ride the bike through its engineering limitations . Going to various places.. I think tarmac is designed for bachelors to lose their sorrows and quite possibly entire life too . But never virginity . I rode aimlessly to many places i did not knew . some places i did knew ..like auroville. Auroville . a model community of people with different ethnic , national . and religious backgrounds with aim to find supreme peace and divine consciousness. It was located in a place more known for cheap and quality liqour . I did not had any drinks that time when i went . I just spend some time in the garden with the trees . I realised then that i had lost my poetry . in among those years lost in chasing something impossible .. life . Life has stolen from me my very source of eternal youth ..my poetry .

I used to write poems and give it to girls . There had been many stupid girls and equally stupid desires of mine which were subjects of my poems . Funny how words would appease these feelings to something which found satisfaction from my soul . My love with sheni was the last time i had felt romantically inclined towards anything human . Through out she had considered me like a sibling . And i was incestous in my romantic advancements towards her. Shameful remorse did not find any audience in my poetry . I just felt like a traveller who had lost and remembered his path and destiny .

Sheni had reminded me of the uselessness of human relationship in advancement of one s purpose in life . Her photos and movies in my mobile and media devices had haunted me like my memories towards her . But i did no deleted them . My friends who visited my blogs and intruded my photos had started to look at me like a person with vulgar imagination . why did i had to feel shameful for being open in my feeling towards and individuals ...

there is someting called a marriage market . where people are mercilessly traded for their qualitites. ..education..career..these are all indices which decide your value .. how good a girl you get. how much moolah or money you can make in that marriage .

For millions of humans .. marriage is the only thing they look forward to after they see daylight out of thier mother s womb . Singular obsession of human mind shaped in Indian terrain ! Today is the marriage of a girl who was kind to me . I began to sense a feeling of sadness which defied the sense of purposefullness i had in my shaped thoughts of abandoning natures will of reproduction.

The original Sin .. sex .. the imagination of dull individuals .. that must be the single reason ..drive to force us into succumbing our lions share of freedom and human potential to the areas of excretion . I often wondered the significance of having a hole for human reproduction near that of human excrement and urination . May be signify the similiarty in those materials and the very human life . We are almost similiar in value ..and purpose .

Having realised my similiarity to degrading and digested processed nutrients , i decided to contribute my part to the rebellion of intelligence to natures conspiracy . I decided to stay single .. for a very long time .. may be till the day i died . This was a big decision . May be the one which was going to change the course of human destiny . ... ....................but what do i know .may be my decision to stay single is as in significant and millions of suicides .. Trillions of death ..each day .. which fed life . My decision stood to be ridiculed by Nature and hopelessly infinite number of morons willing ..only too willing to succumb their will to that which was hidden in bushes ! Goerge bush ! of England !!

Humanity or male humanity .. obsessed with one single thing .. and inch of depession in human flesh surrounded by thick hairs which looked and felt better shaved ! Hormones were playing havoc with his intelligence .

Oh my dear myself .. when would you wake up to this reality and stop ruining your heath ..mental ..moral ..emotional .. physical ..spiritual ..

To make it light .. here are some jokes

Famous Quotes about Wives

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

David Bissonette

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When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Sacha Guitry

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After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

Hemant Joshi

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By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Socrates

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Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

Dumas

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The great question... Which I have not been able to answer... Is, "What does a woman want?

Sigmund Freud

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I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Anonymous

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"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

Henny Youngman

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"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."

Sam Kinison

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"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

James Holt McGavran

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"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."

Patrick Murray

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Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming

1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,

2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

Nash

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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...

Anonymous

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You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Henny Youngman

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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield

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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Milton Berle

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Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

Anonymous

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A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Anonymous

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First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."