Peace and Prayers

I was going up stairs ,It was so far away my floor , I was like in basement floor , I needed to go only to the first floor , But it seemed so far away . Then I reached it . Immediately I remembered , That I need to go to the first floor . And to me going to first floor , was only from the basement floor . Why would I want to go to the first floor if I was already in the first floor .Okay , So I go downstairs . To the basement floor , Actually I used the stairs . just to make sure that I really do go to the basement floor . Then I reach there . Now I was happy , I knew where i wanted to go . I wanted to go to the first floor . I push the button frantically . so that the lift may reach ...Was I mad . Was I in a dream . Were my faculties to reach the first floor permenantly damaged and affected by the apparent illusions of reaching first floor . I wanted to make sure . So sure that I made it more sure by going again to the basement and reaching the first floor ..




How is it . No It s not a dream . I was explaining the opening scene of my very spiritual movie to a friend of mine . My friend Mr Vijay . Okay sorry . Dr Vijay . He is a super star . Okay upcoming superstar . He wanted me to make a very special movie about him . There was a reason why he wanted to make an intelligent movie about him . The entire tamilnadu , Andra and Kerala state is accusing him of being really stupid . Yeah you heard me right stupid . His latest movie , SURA , where he comes swimming out of the ocean like a water dog . Okay dolpyn . . was nt very impressive in the box office . Despite humorous numerous songs being very singable and catchy , He was yet to have more than twenty people seeing his film in the theatre for the last four months , And those twenty people were there because they were deaf , dumb , or beggars who were given free tickets .



So he was upset . It was a stage where anything and every single thing he did was becoming a monumental blunder . At one point of time he even shouted at the hapless journalists . .



He said ..SILENCCEEE ..I mean he shouted and screamed at the god forsaken journalists ! and they were shocked this smiling friend of mine scream on top of his voice the way he would shout at the villains of his movie !



So I explained him , about the movie again , My movie about him . The most intelligent movie about anybody especially Dr Vijay ! (He got the doctorate for being so mentally challenged movie after movie , Every movie and all movies ) So this memory loss and apparent compulsion to move constantly is highly symbollic of the human crisis . Our inabilty to understand our purpose and state of mind as we struggle to come to terms with our existance ..



Dr so called Dr Vijay , My friend was looking as if I had just groped his lovely wife in front of him. I mean his mouth was wide open !



He said ------. Machaa but where is the kuthu songs .. I mean dappan kuthu .. I always have an opening songs



and I said ----But Mr okay sorry Dr Vijay this is not your run of the mill masala movie . This is a movie about a man in an existential crisis to find the first floor . The first floor is symbolic of our achievements . It is a highly intelligent subtle movie about .. well ..err .. you know the futilities of struggles . It s like we never reach . just to make sure that we reach , we travel again and again . . To the same places that we travelled . We do the same things . Again and again for the same exact reasons . Like we have been doing for generations . This will be one of the most monumental films of your carreer . You will beat Dr Kamal haasan ..in the process !



I could nt exactly gauge the reaction . It was like watching him act a intensely emotional scene of his movies . I mean he was like blank . without any expression . Now this was good . This was good because it may be misinterpreted as the lack of existential interests in passing things . A sort of like expression of enlightenment . But to the more curious and sensible eyes , He was looking like lost . Not ordinarily lost . Extraordinarily lost ! Lost like an idiot with an idea !



So he wanted to know when he will have a song ..



and To this I said - No mr Vijay . Oh sorry Doctor Vijay . There is nothing like a song .. No songs are possible ever in an intelligent movie . You see intelligence has got this naive yet honest sincerity due to which we could nt have something as stupid as .. spontaneous musical movements without reasons ...



SILENCE ...He was shouting like he was shouting at the journalists . its not that I was making any noise ..It was just that all these things were too much for him to handle ..



Anyways He acccepted to do the role ..and he accepted do even finance .It was a question of his pride ...To make atleast one intelligent movie in his career .But on one condition . That he may do some minor modification to suit his style .. I should have known . .



The next day We sit with a couple of his good for nothing assistant directors .They bring us coffee and discuss things with us . We even had kerala chips . . Then started out work .. Apparantly the song was something he could nt compromise ..



So we had a kuthu song . So instead of begining from the basement floor . We begin with Dr vijay coming in the bike . There are a thousand and one of his well wishers (in the movie ofcourse ) before he bursts open into song and dance . He says philosophical things in the songs and political things too . He sings about Nuclear weapons and love of mothers to their children . Then the next scene was apparently about going towards the lift as the lift is already having a heroine . Then the lift gets stuck in the ground floor . There the lift technician is a guy who murdered his grandfather . Then they fight . Obviously the girl was the daughter of this guy ... Then there is another sad song . Then there is a clash of love ..revenge . There is apparently twelve thousand fights and more songs too.



The movie was recieved very well by all types of Audience . It was even considered for the national awards for the apparent lack of expression in Dr Vijay s Charector through out the movie .He was praised as a wonder . A genius . . . Looking at the movie for more than once was a challenging acheivement and a testimony of tolerance . May be it was intelligent after all ! It was a device designed to test human tolerance to non sense .Apparently the people like to challange themselves often too . All is well I guess as long as it runs for more than two weeks !

Is there no god , is god so insensitive as to be a silent witness to my overwhelmingly desperate attempts ..to be with her . The only her in my life . the perfect her . . .the lady of my dreams ..

I had her in my dreams yesterday too . Even in the busy hours of traffic when half the world and a moron was honking me from behind . I was lost in her . I was lost in my dreams about her . What was it about her . She was not the most beautiful women of the world . She was not like the beautiful women I had seen . She was hardly the most well dressed . She even made me feel embarressed that I was obsessed with her .

what was it . was it the fact ..that she used to help me .with my studies . . That she used to carry my notebooks if I had missed it in the class . Was it because she used to scold me for the spelling mistakes in my blog . May be it was because she used to walk with me . The most beautiful walks of my life . when we used to be so silent that we hardly missed nothing . Absolutely nothing . everything to us was very clear . We were almost absent in those moments . We were one with the beautiful trees . She had this innocent little charming things to say . Some boring things . yet her innocence had santified it from the boredom ..

She was a friend of mine . A friend of mine when I needed her . May be she was my best friend . with whom I shared everything . Like my secrets , that I feared snakes and roaches . Like the time I stole fifty rupees from dad ....Like she scolded me ..Like she pinched me every time when I used to smell cigarettes . She was like my mother . May be more as she was my friend too . . . . Motherly friend ...heavenly friend . She was not god ..But everything else and much more . .

where was she . Does nt she know that I cry , That I miss her ..even as I have become a man . . Like a man almost twenty five for the last five years !! It was like some seven years ..since I saw her . heard from her . . .She was like ..almost absent except for these painful memories and dreams about her . . was she really real . existant ? No now she was not there . To see me cry . . I thanked god . . As it would shock her ..to think that this communist rationalist passionless absurdist existential philosopher blogger can cry . But yes . The pain was absolutely real . It ached , Like a head being chopped very slowly , it killed me slowly to learn that she was gone almost forever . Were it all lies ..

So sorry am I miss sunshine and beautiful beaches . I am sorry , so sorry that I said to you ....

That I love you .. that I wanted you to live with me forever as My dear wife . . I am so sorry that I did nt realise that you were much more . You could only be much very more to me than someone who is just a wife . You were my friend , My only friend .. . But how could you ..just leave ..Just once when I said ...I love you ..

May be you read much more than words . May be you read a man , Twenty three years old . His passion , His selfishness . . . His stupidities . You were looking for a man , I was still a boy . Your friend I was ..

Are you still the same my friend ....Are you still ..at me ..for wanting you ...destroying everything so fine . so funny about us ..for making you want to move away from you and us

I wish I really could tell that boy . . . make him understand . .that life is not so simple . To make the girl you love understand and accept that fact that it s love ...


It is but too late now , I am too old now , Like I am thirty million years old now and so dead now ..

To revisit the past ..and meet two people , You and me ..To tell us that ...

It is okay . the world wont care , nor would these stars , trees , and morning sunshine . That two people did stupid things . . and were angry at each other for a while . That we can still call , converse , and hug ..

be a man , and you my women . . For you see you se ...i am still the same , the love still remains .. I still cherish..the moments that were we !

I been trying to get married and I been trying to get married , And yeah but ofcourse I been so desperately trying to get married that I really dont know if I really want to get married ! ? Do you recognize me .. I believe that I am the thought process of any sane twenty nine year old average Indian with Salary and A Motorbike ! Oh yeah may be even an apartment except that EMI still pending for the rest of my sixty seven million years !!
There are a few things , Few good things about Pune . That you get to see so many I mean almost a million good looking fair , plump beautifully gorgeuos woman , every square inch of even waste land like Kharadi . No wonder our Osho Spiritual Shumacher set up shop there , I mean here ( now that I am in Pune ! ) . Each girl is so wonderfully good looking that , they all bolstered my want to get married !!
For me getting married , meant to be together with someone , Some one attractive , With good mammary glands and Gluteus Maximus . These were the two things which excited my nuerons and hormones besides their symmetric face . But was that all ??. There was more to the females than , that which met , The hormones and the nuerons . There were their own hormones and nuerons too . Crazily normal thinking pattern of women . When I say Crazily normal . It is abnormally normal . Like Extraorinarily normal practical sane Sensible Brain , Which thinks in terms of Money , Fame , Job , status , Car , Apartment , CASTE , Creed , Religion . and cOlour !
So that was your average Indian Expectation of a Male who is employed , with a Car , possibly a Bike Hero honda splendour . And ofcourse an apartment !
Then you hear of this horrible things in news about Honour killing !!
That is mom and dad . You loving , caring , spoilt mom and Daddy , Killing you , Not you , But those who loved ! Yeah those who loved and wanted to marry the ones whom they loved !
For all those westerners who think India is a Land of spice and Spirituality ! Well .. I ll have to explain Honour killing explicity in X and Y s - Okay you have this guy , This girl . Guy may be rich , girl may be poor or vice versa . . They happen to meet in college , Or in the place they work . They study , Physics , Chemistry , Modern logic and Even western philosophy . They tend to think they are free Indipendant and all that . Suddenly they see the one they love . There is this love at first sight , Incredible rush of hormones and blood to the brain . They burst into song and dance . Then they marry , First kid , Home ..and they age - Well this is how it happens in Hindi , malayalam Marathi movies . But when it comes to real life - They are actually from a CasTE !! Different caste - To their loving mommy and Daddy . This mean s to violate the age old honour of their family . Its like someone violate the very nature and justification of their existance - So they fight - Oppose their kid's love marriage - They even boycott them . SOmetimes they even kill !
An honor killing or honour killing[1] (also called a customary killing) is the murder of a family or clan member by one or more fellow family members, where the murderers (and potentially the wider community) believe the victim to have brought dishonor upon the family, clan, or community- So it is defined practise enough to be described in Wikipedia !!
It was horrific to hear the news of honour killing . Then there is this guy - Pappu Yadav - Who is actually seen coming out of Court , with a smile in his face !!
You see I am a peace loving guy who is violated by any human rights violation. But then at that point , Having killed his sister , he is coming out of the court with a smile in his FU*king face !! and you feel like wanting to crush his face in tarmac with your own foot . enjoy blood oozing out of that face which was smiling and you still are peace loving and you hate him from the core of his heart !!
So deep down , Whenever someone mentioned their caste for purpose of marrying , IN matrimonial sites , They remind me of this Pappu Yadav - All those who have surnames - Their caste surnames - They remind me of Pappy Yadav .
I mean , In all of physics , Chemistry , Biology , Logic , Or philosphy , is Caste mentioned anywhere ? Does it change our blood group or heartbeat - Our caste - Dont we all have similiar thoughts although we belong to different caste -
Indians are the Racists . The worse admited unrelenting racist -
SO BOYCOTT ALL RACE - CASTES
All of you are guilty of the murder of innocent lovers if you feel you belong to a CASTE !! NO MORE CASTE - Let people marry because they feel this overwhelming love and togetherness and not because they belong to the Same FU*king caste !!

The man !! Was a creature with the most complicated relationships , With himself , with those around him , With nature , With , friends , Lifeless as well as lively relative of a man ! The man and the woman ! Alchemy , Magically mysterious , Representative manifestation of life ..to see itself in the most complicated form of anger , jealousy , love , frustrations , agonies ...and ..lust in an equal and perplexing measures !
Man ...had always been judgemental about the things he saw , May be ..His purpose in life , was to see things in life and call them by their right name ! The right , logical , mysterious name , the name that which was descriptive , relative and matching ..That which suited the way he intepreted what he saw ..felt ..smelt and imagined ! the names which people forget , dismiss , Yet would like to call ..Things , by their right name !
She had a name , so had he ! But her name was much more magical than his , Infact her name was so much more magical than any other name , Form ..
Her name was a beautiful morning in spring ! The Fragrance of fresh flowers , The streets of ..Mumbai , was touched by sunlight , No ..It was her name ! The clouds ..was her name ! she was the all encompassing name , the god ! No ..the godess . but Why was he in love , Why was I in love ! With this woman , or was it just her name , Or was it that her name was ..sacred because of his love ..Or is it that ..love was sacred because of her name ! ...
He felt good that he loved , he felt good about Mumbai ..She was busy all the time , She cared little , may be it was because he loved, May it was because it was her ! May be it was the mornings , The cruel phenomenon of life , which turned man one day older and towards ...death ..towards destiny ..Towards love , hatred and war , In equal and perplexing measures !
But why it was that he loved , I mean why the sunrise , sunset , and feeling of romance ! He wondered why , He felt this silent , all encompassing longing for her ..Her presence . He felt he could nt take it anymore ! ..Not a moment more . Not too soon too .. But she had asked him to wait .So he lived for her , Waiting ...just a prevention of his death ..
Wait but not now ..Not in this week , or the week next , She had class . She was studying ..She was growing up . Like a kid , Like his imagination , like his longing ..she was growing . She was growing into all he saw , All things which touched and caressed ..She was growing like this anger , frustration , compassion , kindness and love , Her growth was like that of a strange mysterious , heavenly fragrant lovely ....wordless exhaustion of a longing !! That which gets ..deeply sadened ..only because it loved more than it could contain .. More than he could contain .. May be all of this was love ..Or it was all because of her !
What was it about her ! was it her face he loved ? Could anyone be in love with a face , a symmetrical structure covering the brain , with eyes nose , . I wondered ..As he wondered ! or was it her eyes , The way it lightened up when she smiled , May be she was chinese , But she was a tamil ..Or is it her ..body he loved ..No ..Body was only flesh , No one could love a body ..not as the way it is . Was it her mind that he loved , I wondered ...as he wondered .. May it was soul .. Their soul ...
He loved it when they were together , When they were together , Togetherness had another dimension , Another strange mysterious prescence . That when they were together , They were not together as two individuals , but as one union with each others mystery , Only in equal and very perplexing terms ! . it was like a million possibilities , Kids and family , Only they fought , almost all the time they had a conversation , He secretly admired that she was intelligent as him , Equally strong in logic as with arguements , Or is it that he loved that he was as intelligent as her . Almost equal ..only perplexing ! ..He wondered , You know ...as much as I did ..
But she laughed ...Oh she laughed ..Oh so loudly ...Hooohaahhahhah aha ah ....
such loud noise .It could only be from her . No ..it was from love .. May be soul ..But who cares . It was like when she laughed , it was like this deep reverberation of his happiness . He became jealous , as she became the face of his happiness . But he loved it because it was her , Or was it ..that it was just a joy ..something sacred ..when you lose yourself to the one you love ..
But this creature , She had nt called him , Not since he was there , Near her . Not for atleast a month , may be more , May be she was busy , May be she did nt love .. It was the rule of love ..perhaps ..That the one who loves ..will always be abandoned ...ignored ..and ..deeply forgotten ..by the one which he loves ...
He wondered ..and so did I

There has been a gradual and generally steady decline in the number of blogs being written , read and updated on a regular basis . It is but the general observation ..There are plenty of observable reasons with good logic behind this
Quality of blogs ..
The quality of blogs , I must have to say ..Would have got to be some what compromised . Yeah there are hub pages which turn out stunning and marvellous blogs every once in a while , Almost very creative each time and every time too . but on the whole , one things which can be observed is the general trend of repeating , even to the extend of being copied from other site / blogs . Different people come to blog with different intentions , It takes a lot of time , passion and ofcourse patience to have a good blog with nice following , And its quiet some pressure to actually produce readable , interesting content each time unless ofcourse it is controversial and very much debatable .
I have seen many blogs intentionally being offensive against a particular dogma just so that attention could be drawn , Yet I have also seen some genuinely good readable , thought provoking blogs which does nt have much readership . So I dont know to which approach to side with , Yet i do feel that ..at times , it does make some sense to have some of your thoughts being brought forward on issues and controversies !
The Hype and the reality ....
Most of the socially active people do tend to have a lot of creative thoughts , Which can be said also about creative people in general . Blogging was a wonderful medium to express your creative thoughts without , actually having to publish in a magazine or newspaper .
Regional blogging especially Language specific blogging has always been a really intense experience . An example would have to be Tamil blogging , I have been shocked and awed by the content and depth of the tamil blogs out there . Amazing stuff , regularly updated , Really alive blogging , Only in tamil . I find that those who write in regional language really tend to identify with what is being written and hence the camaradarie
English blogging, Is something with really great potential , Although seldom realised by regions other than US and UK ,
FaceBook Phenomenon !
Brain .. Inertia ! Inertia is the tendency of an object to remain in a state of rest or steady motion unless and until disturbed by an external force - Always We take the easy way . It is said , dont run if you can walk , Dont walk if you can sit ..and dont sit if you can blog ! and dont blog if you have twitter ..ANd to hell with Twitter , I rather facebook since I am a Lazy bum !
Facebook is easy , its fun , it really ruins / Spoils / and degrades any little creativity left in general populace !
With Facebook , It is generally the really embaressing and ill advisable yet personally gratifying format of blogging . Who wants to know . . . Unless if they are really caring , if you have been drinking with your friends , paragliding in Timbbaktu ..Facebook is filled with such small , insignificant details , yet there are some serious facebook profiles who do share some genuinly interesting Content , Like This Osho community in facebook . Plenty of generally Good stuff they provide , But mostly copied from elsewhere (if not Osho Himself )
I think This has been an age which is marked by a steady decline of thought process among the youth , It is indeed a fact that ..Most of the well established bloggers are either lonely and in the middle ages , having a lot of good / inspiring thoughts but no medium to express it ! Not so with the case with the Young and available with lots of nice good things to do (in night and afterwards too ) . Its like , Life is too busy that they could nt stop over and put in words (unless its 254 charectors In twitter )
The creativity in Twitter has reduced to the random dismissive quotes ! ( which is good and better than nothing ) And facebook , Aided massively by the visual and verbal assault of the updates ( photo updates , pokings , games ) has had become a really easy and viable alternative to ..Blogging ! Even at times eating the micro blogging pie as well !
It is indeed ..sad ..
That there are nt new age movements in philosphy , or literature ,
because now is the greatest of available oppurtunity with exposure to such easily accessible mass communication mediums to reach out to literally billions of like minded people ! Who might have similiar complimentary thoughts ! yet !! .. Are caught up .Stuck up ..being lost in facebook !