Peace and Prayers

I been trying to get married and I been trying to get married , And yeah but ofcourse I been so desperately trying to get married that I really dont know if I really want to get married ! ? Do you recognize me .. I believe that I am the thought process of any sane twenty nine year old average Indian with Salary and A Motorbike ! Oh yeah may be even an apartment except that EMI still pending for the rest of my sixty seven million years !!
There are a few things , Few good things about Pune . That you get to see so many I mean almost a million good looking fair , plump beautifully gorgeuos woman , every square inch of even waste land like Kharadi . No wonder our Osho Spiritual Shumacher set up shop there , I mean here ( now that I am in Pune ! ) . Each girl is so wonderfully good looking that , they all bolstered my want to get married !!
For me getting married , meant to be together with someone , Some one attractive , With good mammary glands and Gluteus Maximus . These were the two things which excited my nuerons and hormones besides their symmetric face . But was that all ??. There was more to the females than , that which met , The hormones and the nuerons . There were their own hormones and nuerons too . Crazily normal thinking pattern of women . When I say Crazily normal . It is abnormally normal . Like Extraorinarily normal practical sane Sensible Brain , Which thinks in terms of Money , Fame , Job , status , Car , Apartment , CASTE , Creed , Religion . and cOlour !
So that was your average Indian Expectation of a Male who is employed , with a Car , possibly a Bike Hero honda splendour . And ofcourse an apartment !
Then you hear of this horrible things in news about Honour killing !!
That is mom and dad . You loving , caring , spoilt mom and Daddy , Killing you , Not you , But those who loved ! Yeah those who loved and wanted to marry the ones whom they loved !
For all those westerners who think India is a Land of spice and Spirituality ! Well .. I ll have to explain Honour killing explicity in X and Y s - Okay you have this guy , This girl . Guy may be rich , girl may be poor or vice versa . . They happen to meet in college , Or in the place they work . They study , Physics , Chemistry , Modern logic and Even western philosophy . They tend to think they are free Indipendant and all that . Suddenly they see the one they love . There is this love at first sight , Incredible rush of hormones and blood to the brain . They burst into song and dance . Then they marry , First kid , Home ..and they age - Well this is how it happens in Hindi , malayalam Marathi movies . But when it comes to real life - They are actually from a CasTE !! Different caste - To their loving mommy and Daddy . This mean s to violate the age old honour of their family . Its like someone violate the very nature and justification of their existance - So they fight - Oppose their kid's love marriage - They even boycott them . SOmetimes they even kill !
An honor killing or honour killing[1] (also called a customary killing) is the murder of a family or clan member by one or more fellow family members, where the murderers (and potentially the wider community) believe the victim to have brought dishonor upon the family, clan, or community- So it is defined practise enough to be described in Wikipedia !!
It was horrific to hear the news of honour killing . Then there is this guy - Pappu Yadav - Who is actually seen coming out of Court , with a smile in his face !!
You see I am a peace loving guy who is violated by any human rights violation. But then at that point , Having killed his sister , he is coming out of the court with a smile in his FU*king face !! and you feel like wanting to crush his face in tarmac with your own foot . enjoy blood oozing out of that face which was smiling and you still are peace loving and you hate him from the core of his heart !!
So deep down , Whenever someone mentioned their caste for purpose of marrying , IN matrimonial sites , They remind me of this Pappu Yadav - All those who have surnames - Their caste surnames - They remind me of Pappy Yadav .
I mean , In all of physics , Chemistry , Biology , Logic , Or philosphy , is Caste mentioned anywhere ? Does it change our blood group or heartbeat - Our caste - Dont we all have similiar thoughts although we belong to different caste -
Indians are the Racists . The worse admited unrelenting racist -
SO BOYCOTT ALL RACE - CASTES
All of you are guilty of the murder of innocent lovers if you feel you belong to a CASTE !! NO MORE CASTE - Let people marry because they feel this overwhelming love and togetherness and not because they belong to the Same FU*king caste !!

The man !! Was a creature with the most complicated relationships , With himself , with those around him , With nature , With , friends , Lifeless as well as lively relative of a man ! The man and the woman ! Alchemy , Magically mysterious , Representative manifestation of life ..to see itself in the most complicated form of anger , jealousy , love , frustrations , agonies ...and ..lust in an equal and perplexing measures !
Man ...had always been judgemental about the things he saw , May be ..His purpose in life , was to see things in life and call them by their right name ! The right , logical , mysterious name , the name that which was descriptive , relative and matching ..That which suited the way he intepreted what he saw ..felt ..smelt and imagined ! the names which people forget , dismiss , Yet would like to call ..Things , by their right name !
She had a name , so had he ! But her name was much more magical than his , Infact her name was so much more magical than any other name , Form ..
Her name was a beautiful morning in spring ! The Fragrance of fresh flowers , The streets of ..Mumbai , was touched by sunlight , No ..It was her name ! The clouds ..was her name ! she was the all encompassing name , the god ! No ..the godess . but Why was he in love , Why was I in love ! With this woman , or was it just her name , Or was it that her name was ..sacred because of his love ..Or is it that ..love was sacred because of her name ! ...
He felt good that he loved , he felt good about Mumbai ..She was busy all the time , She cared little , may be it was because he loved, May it was because it was her ! May be it was the mornings , The cruel phenomenon of life , which turned man one day older and towards ...death ..towards destiny ..Towards love , hatred and war , In equal and perplexing measures !
But why it was that he loved , I mean why the sunrise , sunset , and feeling of romance ! He wondered why , He felt this silent , all encompassing longing for her ..Her presence . He felt he could nt take it anymore ! ..Not a moment more . Not too soon too .. But she had asked him to wait .So he lived for her , Waiting ...just a prevention of his death ..
Wait but not now ..Not in this week , or the week next , She had class . She was studying ..She was growing up . Like a kid , Like his imagination , like his longing ..she was growing . She was growing into all he saw , All things which touched and caressed ..She was growing like this anger , frustration , compassion , kindness and love , Her growth was like that of a strange mysterious , heavenly fragrant lovely ....wordless exhaustion of a longing !! That which gets ..deeply sadened ..only because it loved more than it could contain .. More than he could contain .. May be all of this was love ..Or it was all because of her !
What was it about her ! was it her face he loved ? Could anyone be in love with a face , a symmetrical structure covering the brain , with eyes nose , . I wondered ..As he wondered ! or was it her eyes , The way it lightened up when she smiled , May be she was chinese , But she was a tamil ..Or is it her ..body he loved ..No ..Body was only flesh , No one could love a body ..not as the way it is . Was it her mind that he loved , I wondered ...as he wondered .. May it was soul .. Their soul ...
He loved it when they were together , When they were together , Togetherness had another dimension , Another strange mysterious prescence . That when they were together , They were not together as two individuals , but as one union with each others mystery , Only in equal and very perplexing terms ! . it was like a million possibilities , Kids and family , Only they fought , almost all the time they had a conversation , He secretly admired that she was intelligent as him , Equally strong in logic as with arguements , Or is it that he loved that he was as intelligent as her . Almost equal ..only perplexing ! ..He wondered , You know ...as much as I did ..
But she laughed ...Oh she laughed ..Oh so loudly ...Hooohaahhahhah aha ah ....
such loud noise .It could only be from her . No ..it was from love .. May be soul ..But who cares . It was like when she laughed , it was like this deep reverberation of his happiness . He became jealous , as she became the face of his happiness . But he loved it because it was her , Or was it ..that it was just a joy ..something sacred ..when you lose yourself to the one you love ..
But this creature , She had nt called him , Not since he was there , Near her . Not for atleast a month , may be more , May be she was busy , May be she did nt love .. It was the rule of love ..perhaps ..That the one who loves ..will always be abandoned ...ignored ..and ..deeply forgotten ..by the one which he loves ...
He wondered ..and so did I

There has been a gradual and generally steady decline in the number of blogs being written , read and updated on a regular basis . It is but the general observation ..There are plenty of observable reasons with good logic behind this
Quality of blogs ..
The quality of blogs , I must have to say ..Would have got to be some what compromised . Yeah there are hub pages which turn out stunning and marvellous blogs every once in a while , Almost very creative each time and every time too . but on the whole , one things which can be observed is the general trend of repeating , even to the extend of being copied from other site / blogs . Different people come to blog with different intentions , It takes a lot of time , passion and ofcourse patience to have a good blog with nice following , And its quiet some pressure to actually produce readable , interesting content each time unless ofcourse it is controversial and very much debatable .
I have seen many blogs intentionally being offensive against a particular dogma just so that attention could be drawn , Yet I have also seen some genuinely good readable , thought provoking blogs which does nt have much readership . So I dont know to which approach to side with , Yet i do feel that ..at times , it does make some sense to have some of your thoughts being brought forward on issues and controversies !
The Hype and the reality ....
Most of the socially active people do tend to have a lot of creative thoughts , Which can be said also about creative people in general . Blogging was a wonderful medium to express your creative thoughts without , actually having to publish in a magazine or newspaper .
Regional blogging especially Language specific blogging has always been a really intense experience . An example would have to be Tamil blogging , I have been shocked and awed by the content and depth of the tamil blogs out there . Amazing stuff , regularly updated , Really alive blogging , Only in tamil . I find that those who write in regional language really tend to identify with what is being written and hence the camaradarie
English blogging, Is something with really great potential , Although seldom realised by regions other than US and UK ,
FaceBook Phenomenon !
Brain .. Inertia ! Inertia is the tendency of an object to remain in a state of rest or steady motion unless and until disturbed by an external force - Always We take the easy way . It is said , dont run if you can walk , Dont walk if you can sit ..and dont sit if you can blog ! and dont blog if you have twitter ..ANd to hell with Twitter , I rather facebook since I am a Lazy bum !
Facebook is easy , its fun , it really ruins / Spoils / and degrades any little creativity left in general populace !
With Facebook , It is generally the really embaressing and ill advisable yet personally gratifying format of blogging . Who wants to know . . . Unless if they are really caring , if you have been drinking with your friends , paragliding in Timbbaktu ..Facebook is filled with such small , insignificant details , yet there are some serious facebook profiles who do share some genuinly interesting Content , Like This Osho community in facebook . Plenty of generally Good stuff they provide , But mostly copied from elsewhere (if not Osho Himself )
I think This has been an age which is marked by a steady decline of thought process among the youth , It is indeed a fact that ..Most of the well established bloggers are either lonely and in the middle ages , having a lot of good / inspiring thoughts but no medium to express it ! Not so with the case with the Young and available with lots of nice good things to do (in night and afterwards too ) . Its like , Life is too busy that they could nt stop over and put in words (unless its 254 charectors In twitter )
The creativity in Twitter has reduced to the random dismissive quotes ! ( which is good and better than nothing ) And facebook , Aided massively by the visual and verbal assault of the updates ( photo updates , pokings , games ) has had become a really easy and viable alternative to ..Blogging ! Even at times eating the micro blogging pie as well !
It is indeed ..sad ..
That there are nt new age movements in philosphy , or literature ,
because now is the greatest of available oppurtunity with exposure to such easily accessible mass communication mediums to reach out to literally billions of like minded people ! Who might have similiar complimentary thoughts ! yet !! .. Are caught up .Stuck up ..being lost in facebook !

Empty spaces lend me shapes

I but with being stick to last



River - My reasons and flow of life

The river , Like generations of my useless and mindless grandfathers, it was flowing with this wonderfully resilient silence .Many a wonderful gardens it must have caressed , Trees , bees and people s feet .Cowdung and flowers too must have melted into the river.Yet the emptiness of the river ,its lack of identity ,its ability to contain all of its fragrance and odour too into the vast emptiness of nothingness that it was .River was without any identity , yet , it helped absorb the lack of it in myself that day

There i was , on the foot of a river . The ebbs were gently tickling my toes , as i hesitated to heed to its call .its touch was so refreshingly cold that day . So many things i got to remember from those few drops of water river was showering on me like a mother's blessing . It was almost two hours since i started waiting for my friends who promised to be there .It was only the middle of the day ,yet trees and clouds conspired to cheat me of my sense of time .If it was not for the lifeless motion of my watch , i would easily have been cheated to believe that it was late in the evening . There is something deeply religious about the trees that surrounded Kottarakara .i had ample time before the gang of idiots make me lose my sanity and what little cash i had saved to go to Mathews marriage.It was so very privately lonely in that place ,in among those gorges and large trees ,yet i felt one hundred idiots ! This thing was our legacy , my grandfather was known as this big idiot among our family members .He was that sacred fool who lost all his wealth to his religious and philosophical pursuits .It was a communist devil which made him lose his material sanity ! Most of my family members and some school going kids too thought that i was the only one in my family to have carried over my grandfathers legacy . I was told that i even resembled my grandfather ..the river was so determined in tickling my legacy .It was determined in helping me reconcile my fate as the grandson of this big communist idiot! Most of his contemporaries , his comrades , his enemies ,friends and strangers too were dead .Yet his legacy lived on . I was the quintessancial butt for all communist jokes and all religious and atheistic puns .Yet i failed to understand why i did not hate my fathers progenitor ! Probably because i could see , how really miserable the rest of the intelligent people really were. I could see that their riches had replaced their eyes , ears , heart and skin too with this strange and puzzling sense of ownership and pride . River was my reassurance that i was not the most idiotic and my grandfather was equally intelligent !

Ah friends .. yeah friends .. oh my god friends !~!

I could see some stuff , my own stuff , my pencils , my pens and my old green T shirt coming down the river .I was shocked initially , it was such a contemplative moment that i thought i was seeing my thoughts in the flowing river and this was just an abberation . and when i saw my shoes .. i was left speechless ! Looking up , i could see that it was my gang of friends ..the group of infinite idiots who were laughing to see my react as if i just came back from office . They were playing pranks on me .They were waiting for me in my car and were curious to see me lost in thoughts in the middle of the river with water right up to my neck ! I was immediately pulled back to my senses and their really poor sense of humour . Going back to Mathews Marriage !



In evi table ! three different ways of fate

How i really wish i could turn him back from this inevitability .It was Every grown mans dream to get married to someone beautiful or ugly or female ..or atleast human! All of us knew that we had to marry one day ..But this was too soon .Ofcourse we all loved to see ourselves married and we all were really supportive of this mind numbingly senseless social phenomenon called marriage ! Mathew as just so .. so .. you know ..immature and …kinda ..really intelligent and sensible for us to imagine such a horrendous tragedy happening with his conscious decision ! it was not as if i was losing my respect for Mathew . I mean it grew ..The man must be such courageous soul to be giving a treat too for a conscious decision at self immolition . I mean i once heard that a priest in Thailand burned himselves to death without even moving a single muscle in his body ..But this was much worse ..this guy was even celebrating it ..with birthday cakes and all ! this was too much .but …the infinite buts and ifs ..had prevented us from stating his inevitible fate ! so we were silent spectators for this personal tragedy for two individuals to whom we owed a lot (money ,time , boredom and humour too )

Boredom divided by brandy

It was just one more day before this guy transformed himself to a kitchen utensil . So we had him for the day before marriage . The day before marriage for any self respecting Malayali Achayan* is marked by booze ..soda ..and more booze than was flowing on that river that i was talking about .Ofcourse ..me being a malayali and brought up among so many Achayans.. had no objectiono in having my own share of the non alchaholic brandy and whiskey ! (i am sure that they are yet to invent something like that ) As we buried our sensiblities and sanity along with worries in twenty glass of brandy , whiskey and occasional beer bottles, hours were nearing for our friend to take his vows . we sang and danced the entire day . Actually no one really was sure how much we ended up having ! but evidence was all over that place we were lodged that day . The noise reverberated even the next day morning .

Just hours before wedding intense photo sessions ..People were posing themselves with friends and groom in every possible angle the photographer fancied .Mathews face was stiff as an iron box . There was not a single human emotion in his entire body that day .He was just as empty as my plastic rucksack.May be when you are so overwhelmed by the larger than life… dead image of a simple and spiritual process,union of souls rendered as serious lifeless mechanical process,the plasticity is your very defense when faced with such serious stuffing of complicated rituals . Watching him , i could sense my own emotions were being drained and confused ! It was not exactly sad , or depressing …it was exhausting ..to say the very least .

Feasts ! and BEASTS

Feasts , the one thing people go to marriage for and it was lavished ,Every single pore of my body was smelling masalas and beef curry . Appam ,chappati ,Chaaya ! no ..i could not say tea ..CHaaya ! The very taste to which malayali wakes up to .Taste buds were feasted to mystical aromas of one thousand flavours and fragrances . It was blissfully excellant and extravagant . I was less regretful now of not having developed a six pack musculature ! my tummy was more than accomodative of such an onslaught from kerala cuisine .It was as close as i came in my search for nirvana and my bike's keys !



Opulance .pretance and total hypocracy

The wedding was long as usual in most of the christian weddings . It was such slow and dragging process that every one thought it was good to get married only once ..fearing such boredom.Every single of the religious heads who came there , i mean bishops ..fathers ..god knows who else ..were all looking so sombre and serious that they made even the most maniacal of my friends silent . It was an utter calm moment in our entire marriage fiasco . It was so stuffed with religious non sense ..that it all made no sense to us . We just stood there totally powerless to do anything other than wait for the next feast ! But that was only two hours afterwards ! it was awefully long .Church was made only for two things .Marriages and funeral .They needed the rubberstamp of church for any formal arrangements in their life .from birth to death to marriage ,church monopolised , controled and scared every single christian ! There was heaven , hell and marriage too that christian feared worse than their own very life .People were yet to wake from the dark ages where science was condemned and scientists were hanged for stating the obvious .But humans were too retarded too .Even communism was a Church of sorts . And Marx was their jesus .Man had utterly failed in his efforts to instituitionalise his experience ..Church was the tomb of religion , Marriage was the funeral of love , and Politics was the last breath of every rational and sane thought that ever had humanity preserved . I wondered if i too would one day will become married to someone ..someone i love ..With some one who shared my confusions and fear and love too . I wondered if i too would end up being a silent spectator of my life taken over by senseless religions and formalities.Then i remembered ..That i was already married . To that person in my life ..My muse and my identity too . We got married the day we saw each other with our spiritual eyes . We got married when sun's rays touched caressed and kindled the love for each other ..in us . Yes ..ofcourse there was no Church , temple , or mosque to instituitionalise our relationship . But our heartbeats and breath was too holy for any dead and decaying opulance to render its seal to ..

Ofcourse no body understood what i was trying to say ..not even my so called wife to whom i got married without the sound and fury of a confusing religion ! So she left me ..without even meeting me ! not even once .So i lived in lies ,imagination and false hopes ..I told myself Many lies .. Truth was nothing but an invented ,accepted and glorified lie ! There were many such lies ..Physics ..chemistry ..biology ..and Philosophy too … Truth is much less imaginative than image on a mirror too.Truth was of an unequal world where poverty coexisted with opulance .Where one man was worried about his next meal , while the other worried about the ice cream stain on his Stanley leather upholstery ! Where people fed dogs many times the calories needed for a family to survive.Where people worshiped cricket stars yet claimed to be descendants of the most spiritual land !

Serious comedies of life


So all the jokes apart ..lets come to the serious part ..i mean the gift part of the marriage . We all collected money from each other ..and our parents (since economic recession ) To gift our friend on his day of wedding .We gifted him a large packet containing prized product of Hindustan latex .It was embaressing to ask for this in the medical store .yet it was customary among guys to gift Condoms to their friend as a compliment to the other gifts that we give .I was expecting an embaressed Mathew .But marriage had made him resiliant to our poor and unimaginative jokes .He was a serious man now .All he could do was give us that goofy smile which had in it but ghosts of that old slapstick non stop chatterbox that he really was.Now it was time for us to part.Of course we would meet each other and be bored to death with each others sick practical jokes .Yet we really were parting my friend Mr Manu ! Mathew ..i said to him ! on that day !

But personally speaking !!




Having said all this Personally i have truckloads of respect for marriage .It is something which stabilises your life . Every one should get married .If they find someone who compliment their personality , well .. what can i say your whole life will be a Wills cigeratte advertisement .And if you find that the person is contradicting you ..well ..you are just one more arguement away from total spiritual enlightenment and blissful nirvana .People realise great things through tragedy you know ! So cheers people ..to married and single too .It does not matter if you are married ..or single ..or an employee of cognizant ! All that really matters is ..that you love and let love !

Room mates ! you cant live with them ..nor can you live without them

There is only one luxury of not owning your own house , it is that you can move ..when ever you feel like it , where ever you feel like , provided you could find two idiots to share rent and advance with , If you are a bit intelligent you would always end up with two more idiots , and you know what happens when you have Four idiots .The thing with idiots is ofcourse , that they seem to enhance , to multiply and to raise to the power of their idiocacies !It is a deadly combination of Disaster and brainless mayhem , But when you realise that they were idiots afterall .. well , it would be extremely cynical not to laugh . And the luxury ends there ..right there with the idiots !

Thambaram ! the godlen and silver days

The story starts in Thambaram .There i was in MCC college , i mean near to it , Every day we would see .. exactly one thousand two hundred and ninety seven females walking pass the main gate where we would have our tea and daily dose of political discussions . It is as if at the end of discussion one person would emerge wiser than the combined wisdom of entire political morons running white house and green house and our own black house in Delhi , And ofcourse the thing about having a discussion with idiots is that you can always prove to yourself and to the pretty girl who listens with curiosity , that you are one step ahead of them in proving that they are idiots ! i mean its as if you dont have to do a thing , you just have to listen , infact just by listening you can prove to others and to yourself that they are idiots, Life was perfect , so was tea and so was the one thousand two hundred and ninety seven females who passed through the teashop and put a hole in my heart ! i was in love .. with these idiots, the tea shop and World news , and ofcourse i was madly in love with all the females too . .

Enter idiot no. 1 . I would not like to mention the name of this idiot ..For it is retared and stupid ! i wonder how their parents could forcast his stunted growth by giving him such a retarded name . Hey dont mistake .. i mean this guy is wonderfully intelligent for all the work that he was endowed with , he even earned couple of digits more salary than i did and did passed his exams with more than the average marks , and ofcourse being and idiot , he had more number of girlfriends than there were fingers in both of my hands , so i stopped counting . his girlfriends and stupidities , He called me telling me that he found a room near Sholinganallur ! phew here we go again i thought .

He virtually threatened me into joining him to his room . Hey the room was okay . I mean it was clean and sorted out . But it was in scholinganallur , It was exactly one thousand two hundred and ninety seven million light years from Civilization ! and anything which was female had four legs and fed on grass….. no no no no .. not that grass you think ..i m talking the REAL GRASS ..you know the one which grows on road side ! that grass ..not Marinjuana ! silly

The begining of the end of all beginings !

Hardly had one month passed since we had started living together ..that we were endowed with the company of two more idiots , It was Idiots multiplied and raised to the power of infinity , and add to that their dirty laundry and poor imagination , coupled with baddest of jokes and above all these .. you got to deal with girl friends out numbering my fingers ,,nails and even hairs too ! its as if females were wildly attracted to poor jokes and idiots . And it was not very long , before the owner of the house had invited us ..to move out as soon as possible .Being idiots , the first reaction was to search for another room , and being idiots we were extremely angry and frustrated of not being able to find rooms stupid enough to accomodate all our stupidities . Its as if life has come to a full stop and all our idiocacies were staring at us ..in our crotch ! It was worse than the worst Vijay movie that i had seen . and wait i heard he is making another one ! phew ! and so were we ..no we were not making another film , we were getting ready for another disaster .

I think sane house owners who are not greedy are more rare to find than intelligent room mates and beautiful girls who were not attracted to idiots ! I know some people do get both and the houseowners too ! they are called movie stars , or politicians .. or ofcourse .. beautiful girls ! Three thousand five hunred rupees per head ! that was what the room owner was asking , perhead , and we were four of us , and if you minus the luggage that would make us five , i know ,…what you are thinking ..please go with the flow and do believe me this maths is infinitely less stupid than the idiots that i live with !

Hey dont get me wrong here , the room was extra fine and …..what will i say about the females that i saw in Thiruvanmayur , it was as if for the first time in my life , i found my vocabulary failing to describe the quantity and quality of female hormones that was on the air ! one smell and we were ready for combined stupidity of fourteen thousand brainless rupees ! that was only the rent that we idiots shared plus the house maintainance and ofcourse the water money

Finally Suru Loses it !

There i was , at the end of the month , the first month ! Recession was affecting my social life too . and somehow or the other , for the first time in my life ..the economics of moving to a place which was expensive , had made me reconsider living among female bovines in sholinganallur , or thambaram ..or any place which was far from greedy house owners ! i had it this month , i hardly had two thousand rupees , and there was still twenty days to go .

For one whole week i could survive on one meal a day , that was twenty ruppes a day , and i skipped breakfast and dinner too !and i heard that they were going to cut the incentive ! future looked more dark than our room on a sunday morning ! and so dusty that i could not sneeze due to blockage in my nostrils ! This was the last nail in the coffin in which i laid to rest all hopes of having a decent lifestyle in chennai and worse still bid official adieue to the last hope of having a conversation extended than two sentences with anything female save for the bovines !

So good bye Girls .. good bye nice place which is very expensive .. i am leaving you all !

Hey did you know that cow dung was having antiseptic properties …. but does not look good on your shoes .. or your bike ! or your face ! but i had to deal with it all . as i was planning to move back to Thambaram ! for the want of having to save money ! it was a dead end to my hopes of meeting a beautiful girl in a beautiful beach .. in a beautiful apartment ! HONKk…… oh my god i almost missed another one ! These idiots were really fine people ..they loved me ..respected me .. and thought that i was intelligent ! but .. they were bloody expensive to live with .I could manage two marriage and one thousand two hundred and ninety seven of my own children ! .but these people ..just three of them ! ! Oh god ! yeah god ! .. i think i am doubting your intelligence ..if product is this much malfunctioning .. i think they ought to cancel your licence ! to make humans again ! EveR !! God ! i am sorry ! I Love you .. i adore and even worship you .. But damn ..you make some mistakes .. and you make me meet these mistakes .. Please have mercy on me .. Dont you see i am working in an IT company with limited pay (hey i m just a Programmer okay not PA so i get less pay despite working almost on the same level )

Molly s Lips
Man is always obessesed with what he can not have

.Rich man who is not healthy craves for health

.Everyone would always invent something or the other

to make themselves miserable . Its as if they would

derive their pleasure from torturing themselves to

the very limits of sanity .only when he loses all

..and something more ..does he realise what he was

having ..how beautiful it was what he was having

What little did i indeed had ..thought Ram.

He was almost sixty years old . He thanked even his

name, which was very old.World was moving very fast

around him . It was as if he was suffocated with the

world which was moving with dizzying speed . Every

where there was movement . some slow .. some fast

.but surely every one was moving somewhere else .

some would even move even when they were sleeping

..some would move in thier thoughts even when they

were standing still . Movement was life and noise

for Ram . without movement .things would seem so

empty . It was only to fill the emptiness of this meaninless silence that we actually move around and seek immense sensory overload with movements !

But i was moving towards the end of all movements . i was moving towards immobility .i was moving and slowly and so inevitably moving towards my own death . with memories only to enhance the reality of what i was about to face .. So thought Ram . He was living in an age where RAM was nothing but an obselete technological jargon . Ever since the inception of virtual material memory technology , silicone conductors and electronic circuits has been rendered obselete . Now chemical reactions and virtual nuerochemicals do the maths for the complicated machines that humans used . He remembered how it was when there was lot of excitment when there was a new movie released and the music would play in everyone s tune s. Now its all about participatory and even collaborative music where the music changes with the mood of the mind . Once connected to the head , it will automatically read the mental pattern and would create music with its own database of music from through out the entire history of humanity . Some people had a very tough time controlling the machine . Its as if the machine would have a mind of its own

The music machine was a really huge hit when it was introduced . It was called the M-Tunes .Now even this was nearing obscelance. Now everything is controlled by mind . Moving and using muscles to achieve what one wants is considered stone age ..or so called Desktop age .

The border between man and machine was slowly blurring . So much advancement in the integration of electronics or neuronics as it is called today .. had made these machines a mere extension of human mind and body .

Now they are talking about genonics . It was a rare integration of our gene and DNA with micro robotics and nano reactives .

Love was still a very intruiging feeling that no amount of advancement in electronics could help resolve . There were some really awesome simulation softwares which had made them feel love and would simlute virtual Lovers with advanced emotional quotients and artificial intelligence . Microsoft love softwares were always full of bugs . It would always express irrational behaviour which added to its charm . Some even argued that these vital flaws where what made these more real and appealing . There were so many opensource love simulation softwares which were really amazing and creative . There were softwares which had some really popular yesteryear beauties like Cameron Diaz and Kate winslet as charectors which assist in realisation of love . Some were even based on obsolete film technologies and Romantic sitcoms of television heydays .


But in reality ..people rarely spoke to each other . Reality was something which was avoided at all costs . No one even cared for decent food or clothings . There was always some virtual vitamins available which would make one feel good after having a screenshots of them !

To the two thousand billion people who could not afford even food ..these remained at best a strange fiction . Some even thought that they were the work of some supernatural forces. There was a strange shortage of food and water . Ram was worried if his old age and ever dwindling saving would land him in poverty . He was relatively rich in his younger days . But the rat race electronics and obscelence of his skills had made him irrelevant to modern day economics . He was forced to retire after a writing software with advanced intelligence had wrote much more inspiring and artistic works than he did . The manufacturers claimed that the software only needs to be fed with one paragraph of the writer to figure out his writing pattern and it would simulate and enhance the writing style .

There was no orginality , thought Ram .

He wondered whether humans had figured out the equation of life . May be with insights into mathematics and electronics so advanced that it was now possible for man to look at his existance and understand and to control one s past future and that of other life forms and also non life forms .

He wondered if Sheni was alive today . Sheni was an upper middle class girl ..the only girl Ram had ever loved . Ever since she had married her dream lover in virtual space , Ram had lived a life hating the virtual technology . Sheni was really lost in the virtual simulations which were taking place at that time . Reality and dream world created had made no difference to her . but to Ram .. it was an end of a twenty five year old affair . Ram had started loving sheni since he was 10 years old . He did not recognise his strange affinity which had filled his night and days with wonderful fulfillment as love until he had seen his first romantic comedy film in english .They remained friends for a very long time . But Ram always insists that their relationship was something more than just plain friendship .

It was on his thirty fifth Birthday that Sheni had decided to Marry her virtual friend Mr Imran Khan . It was a very advanced software simulation of artifical reality by Microsoft . Everyone her age was fast adopting to such softwares to end thier loneliness and boredom .Most of them even considered it far more superior than a real relationship .

Ram had always felt all these as masturbatory . It was almost as if the world was in a big masturbatory hallucination . It was eating up what little shit it was capable of making .

Suicide was a really old fashioned way of ending one s life . There were so many modern methods of ending one s existance . There was Public booths which would dispense Suicide kits to those who were willing to buy them . It was as if Government was promoting painless suicide .People just could not bear physical and direct pain .

It was on his way back from beach that Ram had Got hold of a latest neuronic Suicide kit . It was illegal to sell suicide kits to those above Poverty line . But Ram had some friends in the Village . He got it from them . There were many places untouched by modernisation . He was glad to see among many things Fossil fuels and Petrol driven wagons and bikes. He was in tears when he saw as Apache RTR . It was his dream bike which he also happened to own ! ..only when he was forty five years younger .

There was no injection or chemicals involved in the nueronic suicide kit . It was just a headgear of sorts . you were just supposed to wear it. and switch it on !

He decided to have few glasses of whiskey and his favourite music to play .Real whiskey was so punchent and hard to down .. so thought Ram . but he was more than happy to have it . He had many friend when he was young and able . But at this time when he decided to say good bye . he remembered a few of them . There was one Mathew .. one hickson..glanson .. Siva kumar .. Ajeesh .. Molly .. Steve .. Rubrick ..He was grateful for the memories ..Breaking the god illusion once and for all had been the biggest achievement of the century ..so claimed the modern computer governed society .But He prayed to the non existing god before he sipped his last glass of whiskey . Johny walker ..his favourite band .

A really wild ride ..it was just like Marinjuana . He failed to differentiate between reality and illusion or so called Maya ..

But for Ram .. Electronic maya was something he never really wanted ! It ended with Beep

Everything ....

even Silence Ended with His death ! The suicide kit automatically informs goverment about his death . The organs were Vital .Many invaluable components could be made with human plasma and nuerons .

Humans feeding on humans ..

just for the pleasure of it !!

Make love with yourself

Reality Cheking
it is indeed a strange world . to find the answers

is easier than to understand question . Infact all

answers has always been an escapism of sorts from

any real questions.

Why do we ask so many questions . now there

is a certain aesthetics to what is being asked is it

. There were many questions in my life . Some were

stupid ..some intelligent .some funny ..some so

severely depressing ..


I ve asked myself several qeustions to

myself while i was waiting for her to return from

her duty .It had been seven years since i saw her .

Yes exactly seven years .And that too the last time

i saw her it was as if watching a faint flicker of a

lamp before it had went out.Anticipation was leaving

me breathless.Will she really come ..or had this

been a joke all along .Better half of human life had

been spent on waiting .We wait to grow up ..to get

out first bike ride ..we wait for our first kiss..we

wait for our marriage..we wait for our first child

.. his / her education..their achievement .. and the

most helpless waiting.. the waiting for death .. But

waiting for her on the gate in my car had been the

most sweetest waiting i had done so far . The

pleasure and anticipation had far exceeded the

excitement of eagerly awaiting the climax of an

ordinarily intelligent movie .i could sense the pain

in my right eye reoccuring again after the gap of

almost two hours

It had been just one week before that i had

seen accident happen to me after a very long time .

It was unbelievably shocking to say the least

.Aliyaah..that s what i had screamed to Mathew ..as

the bike had almost touched the rim of the road .. i

instantly knew that any amount of screaming ..or

praying ..or any bargain with god can not make me

get back to safety . I was only fearing worse . As i

was plunging head first into tarmac.I did not knew

which part of my body was going to get maximum

punishment . Obviously i had given up any hope of

expecting damages which could be healed within a

week , I had always been amazed how easy or bearable

it is for one to be bleeding all over and still

manage not to faint . Yep what i feared worse had

not happened .. and i did not faint . Only if i was

as courageous and gutsy when i first started

proposing to girls . but when you are in first

standard and still in your diapers of sorts. you

dont exactly evolve your courage to the level of

being steady ! i could find dirt and sand all over

my mouth and eyes .I stopped crying a really long

time ago . My friends bike was lying almost twelve

feet down from the ground . I was so totally

helpless in not being able to go there and do

anything about bringing the bike to road again .

As i had felt the torch of a mobile

telephone probe the extend of my injuries , i felt a

sigh of relief in not having excessive exaggerations

for the one who saw my face in the faint light of

the mobile .He was infact relieved of sorts that i

only had some minor injuries of sorts. but blood ..

The one which is thicker than water..and petrol ..

was running all over my exposed skins . I was not

exactly scared . I only feared not being able to

bath or go to loo without risking infection . Had to

keep out of water till the time i get it healed .the

very water ..the giver of life .Also gave life to

the germs which rot and fed on my wounds and

effectively myself.Water was not my friend ..nor it

was my enemy .infact water was neutral . To me ..to

the microbes..to life .. to death . to healing ..and

for disease.

It was almost starting to heal.I saw her

standing across the road ! i felt that i would die

of suffocation . She was half naked and fully

clothed . She was autumn and winter and spring

too.She was to me at that moment life for my eyes as

well as ears as much as she was to my heart and to

soul . She asked me to wait .I was willing to wait .

a bit more i thought .. i waited like life waited

for a meaning . like meanings had waited for life !

I still could not believe my eyes ears body

mind or soul that she was walking towards me at that

moment ! There was no magic ! there was no music !

there even was not some fragrance of rose ..nor

lillies or some fantastic and extraordinary

miracles.But still .. that moment .. when she came

near me .. i felt that i was witnessing a miracle .

But for her ..i was just a friend . Infact

may be someone even less than a friend . A curiosity

! yeah .. i mostly thought that i was just a

curiousity to her . Just a passing fancy . May be

she was attracted to me as a child was to bright

flourscent colours . I was absolutely a non

necessory accessory of sorts . Just a decoration .

nothing more . A passtime even at best . or may be

something worse .. a disturbance or an amusement . i

was one of those creatures which could easily have

been dispensed from existance ..so i thought .

I was looking at her face through out the

conversation , i was looking for the slightest hint

of intimacy , which i had hoped for .. dreamed of ..

and could never find in real life . i almost felt

that she was obligated if not anything to ride with

me on her way to her next assignment .


I not exactly enjoyed riding the car i

thought .. i really liked myself not to enjoy riding

cars as much as i do bike s ..But infact it was sad

but true that i indeed loved riding cars as well .

may be more than bike . But cars was something i

could ill afford to run on a regular basis . Bike

was totally fun.Especially My RTR .


She had not spoken that much to me in our

way back . I had imagined my mothers warmth ..my

fathers care ..intelligence wit ..humour and something which answered all my unanswered questions in my conversation with her . but she must have been tired or repulsed or must have felt disgusted that some one could come that distance just to have a chat with her .But what was worse was that i was even feeling responsible for the stale situation.We must have had countless conversations about infinite topics everything under the sun and more . but unfortunately or fortunately , i had always felt that our conversations were incomplete .May be something could not be said , may be somethings needs to be told over and over again.

I had almost missed having several accidents on our way back . Thankfully , but secretely i had always had felt that if i wanted to die , the best was would be to be near her when i did,i had seen several deaths ...murders..suicides..and so called natural death ..none to me had the charm of having the one you love near you .Fulfiling almost our destiny of sorts . Life was to me nothing more than what was happening at that moment , this was probably the very reason why i was born , why i was grown , and probably i would not find something more meaningful in my death too .. so i thought


Forty five minutes of meaningless staring at each other had us reaching metro city in a somewhat lame journey which was wasted as well as disappointing . I smelt nothing but fear and a sense of deeply felt insecurity in her proximity with me . She was to me as close as butter in cold water . like being fed with plastic bag when you are dieing of hunger , i was feeling deeply disappointed and beaten with her warmth . I would have had more warm converstations with an enemy in a battle field right when he was about to kill me with sword .


i did not curse myself or her ..nor did i feel angry or disappointed . A moment was passing by me .. Perhaps the most beautiful moment of my life . Perhaps the most beautiful moment in the history of humanity . Peak of experience and beauty ..

But we were too engaged with our fears that we had missed it ..i feared having her dissappointed with my unimaginative thoughts and conversations..she was fearing many things ..among them the safety of my car and our journey back home .We all miss our moments .. These moments which make life really beautiful does not have to be in a hill station ..or in an exotic islands surrounded by lush greenaries.. These moments are what we could have had with the ones we love .. no matter where ..even in a maruthi Van running on LPG .Only we need to open our eyes ... to the beating hearts .. to emotions and love .. we need to open our eyes and ears .. our soul to life which loves us more than we could ever contain with our entire life of every single human ..animal ..atom .. eletrons or protons .

Sheni i failed to tell you on our way back that i love you . And you failed to hear me say that i love you ..

We both failed our love ..our life .. and our very destiny .. because i feared boring you .. and you feared being with ME